I search my dogs for ticks regularly however One-One being so hairy and not yet having had his first clip made the tick hard to find. Even the vet had trouble finding it and said she would have to clip the dog to do so. In the end she fond it without the clip being done.

So I ask again, on behalf of all the other little One-Ones out there does Frontline Plus really work? (One-One is an Anglicized version of the Japanese “Won Won” which is ‘woof woof’ or puppy.)

Any comment on your experience with the Frontline Plus product would be appreciated.

Richard Townsend

The approach to selling the ads on site was to visit each business personally and ask if they would place an ad. Some success was quickly achieved and a number of advertisers came on board. Now the site being both fairly new and by its charity nature cannot and will not boast masses of visitors. The  members of the club however will tend to support the businesses that support them, that’s just human nature. Additionally of course some advertisers view it as good PR to support a local charity and will see the cost of their ad as a donation to a worthy cause.

So what about the no. A number of businesses approached used the old “send me a proposal” fudge to get me out of their face. Now that’s fine I am happy to go back write an email to thank them for their time, thank them for seeing me and thank them for considering advertising and for looking at my proposal. It would however save me a lot of time if they just said “no” on the spot.

So now as a seller and more to the point a potential ‘real’ business customer, my feeling towards those businesses is a little negative. One business said no immediately and although we had used his services for a long time and was a little annoyed, at least he did not suck up extra energy by stringing me along by asking for a proposal. He just stated honestly he was “fully committed at the moment” and could not participate. It is worth noting, I am not talking big money here, the advertising space is only $10..00 per week on the index page and $5 a week on the ancillary pages.

This brings me back to the four other businesses which said, send me the submission. Some three weeks later I have not had a response from any of the four. I feel abused and angry at the discourtesy of these business people and will not do business with them in the future. I will also discourage others to avoid them as well. Who knows why these particular people couldn’t say NO, however in doing as they did they have, at least with me and those I can influence, destroyed their reputation and any chance of commercial dealings in the future.

So why don’t people say no?

According to authors  James Rapson and Craig Enlish who wrote “Anxious to Please” many individuals are: “people pleasures” by nature.

They state:

“People pleasers are driven by anxiety to be nice whether it’s called for or not. People pleasers are nice even when they’re being ignored or insulted. People pleasers navigate their world by accommodating and acquiescing, by trying to please.”

They also importantly advise:

“What is the result of their can’t say no, “peace at any price” behavior? The opposite of what they hoped for— disapproval,  conflict, and  rejection.” This outcome of their behavior is I believe well deserved. People pleasers are obviously also conflict avoiders and to my way of thinking somewhat cowardly in their dealings with others. None of us like a no however, most of us absolutely hate being ignored and forgotten.

So what’s the lesson? If you can’t do something, suck it up and just say NO. Wasting the time of others through fobbing them off with a “send me a proposal” tactic is crass and un-businesslike. Making a bad situation worse by then just ignoring the asker/seller is a great way to destroy your reputation and credibility and you WILL deserve all the negatives that result,

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Delegation Rule 2 Trust them first, train & test for competence before you delegate,

Delegation Rule 3 Clearly define the tasks that must be done and limits of authority attached.

Delegation Rule 4 Explain what’s in it for the one you are delegating to.

Delegation Rule 5 Inform the team of your reasons for delegating the task to a particular person.

Delegation Rule 6 Answer all questions from the nominee and others in the team.

Delegation Rule 7 Define clearly the importance of the task in terms of desired outcomes.

Delegation Rule 8 Mentor the person you have delegated to particularly in the early stages.

Delegation Rule 9 Maintain your responsibility for the task while handing over authority to act to the person delegated to.

Delegation Rule 10 Ensure the resources needed to the task are supplied to the individual undertaking the task.

Delegation Rule 11 Explain how the delegated task fits into the overall work flow, give the big picture.

Delegation Rule 12 Ensure that the person you delegate to is prepared to take ownership of the task.

Delegation Rule 13 Clearly explain the reason for the task and why it must be done.

Delegation Rule 14 Explain what measurements will be used to define successful completion of the task.

Delegation Rule 15 Get agreement on timeline and deadlines and include timing for status reports.

Delegation Rule 16 Don’t constantly ask for update or hound the person you have delegated to.

Delegation Rule 17 Confirm understanding by getting the person you have delegated to, to explain in their own words what you want them to do.

Delegating Rule 18 Ensure support is agreed from other team members and recipients of the work and other stakeholders.

Delegation Rule 19 Insist that all feedback on success or otherwise of the delegation comes to you directly.

Delegation Rule 20 If the delegation fails be sure you accept the responsibility and if it succeeds share the glory.

The value of allowing yourself to be vulnerable!

Quote: ‘To empower employees, managers need to create a nurturing environment in which staff can learn, grow, improve, and function effectively.’ “Staff empowerment gives employees a sense of trust, importance and capability, thus creating a positive work environment.” (Ref “xnet.kp.org/permanentejournal/fall03/staff.html”)

Quote: “To feel empowered, employees must have a sense of self-determination, competence, meaning and influence.  Employees’ sense of self-determination is the perception that they are free to make choices and that their actions are not [over] controlled by policies, systems or managerial dictates.  Granting autonomy to employees helps them feel a sense of self-determination.  The higher employees’ competence, the more they appreciate and thrive when given autonomy. As long as employees perceive that doing their job satisfies important needs of internal or external customers, they’ll see the meaningfulness of their work.” (Ref: www.wright.edu/~scott.williams/LeaderLetter/empowerment.htm)

The article in wright.edu also points out the basic requirements of being systematic and consistent and that any empowerment program needs to develop their competence and confidence.

Managers who want to empower their staff must either be be trainers themselves or at least provide some competence development input and know how to acquire the training required by their staff.  Now you would think this would be a “no brainer” however in my experience mangers often neglect this duty and if we are looking at soft skill development, will actively reject it on the excuse that their staff/department is too busy to attend. Often then if new skills and knowledge are gained, when the employee gets back to work managers will still neglect to implement the ‘new ways’ of doing things. This is often because implementation of the operational changes desired/required will can be time consuming and and can be seen as risky to make . This is why the development of an organizational culture of empowerment that all managers buy into is so important. Managers must also become proficient in, as wright.edu puts it, ” telling them what they will be learning and why, providing information and demonstrations, allowing opportunities for practice” and finally “providing feedback on performance”. Confidence obviously comes from successful performances (either their own or as observed in others) and from encouragement by those who are respected and and seen as mentors.

One final definition of empowerment:

Empowerment is the process of enabling, through the development of competence combined with the authorizing of an individual to think, behave, take action, and control work and decision making in autonomous ways. The payoff for the organization, a more effective and presumably customer oriented operation and for the employee a feeling of being self-empowered and being able to influence the outcome of their own future.

Empowerment  is not something someone (a manger) bestows on the people who report to him,’ it is a personal development process undertaken in an atmosphere of mutual, trust, understanding, learning and shared responsibility. The organization’s management has the responsibility to create a work environment which helps foster the ability and desire of employees to act in empowered ways through the removal barriers that limit that ability.

Not feeling empowered? Time to update your resume? Free blank resume form/template.

Some basics of business and some more ant antics…

OUTPUT QUALITY. Another ant variety, ‘Rattue’, can teach us about partnering with our suppliers and customers. They team up with a caterpillar that supplies them with food in return for their protection from predatory spiders. Dangerous intruders cause the caterpillar tap when they approach. The interesting thing is that the supplier (caterpillar) speaks the ants’ language. The most successful finance salesman I ever new was an ex-roadwork’s construction contractor. His customers dealt with him because he understood their industry, the machinery they needed and the financial aspects of their business. How much do we know about our customers and their problems and how well our solutions really fit or just flog product? As an ex financier I am still amazed by the antics of each new generation of bankers who at best are inept and at worst, incompetent or dishonest.

NO ANTS TO BE FOUND. A few years back in a past crisis the Internet business and the infamous problems it had including many failures is a prime example of how businesses lose track of what their customers need. As an example, I had great trouble trying to change my web host due to poor communication practices of my ‘supplier’. One of their staff even said, ‘for that price you don’t get any service or advice just a space on our server’. After 3 months, 20 or 30 emails and a couple of expensive phone calls to the US from Asia where I was stationed at the time, I was finally able to complete the change. Many Internet companies forget that people deal with people and that they need to personally communicate with individuals. Badly worded, jargon filled, technical, anonymous, do it yourself forms are not effective communication devices, particularly when problems arise. This of course is reinforced by much of the financial documentation we still suffer today with many customers not really understanding what they are signing up for. I once had a financial adviser even admit, when I was trying to write an investor information seminar for him, that he would rather not be too explicit as they still relied on “smoke and mirrors” in his industry. This guy at the time of writing with investments under stress still avoids his “customers”… an ant that would rather not be found. Good business is about listening to your customers, then saying what you will do and then doing what you say and being around when needed.

Are we listening for the tapping caterpillar, do our staff have the cutting attributes they need, has anyone listened to a dissatisfied customer lately to analyze our organization’s shortcomings… or…

IS THERE A SPIDER AT THE DOOR?

Part 3 Army Ants and Intelligence!

5) Facilitative Listening This goes beyond even empathic listening because it implies and requires that you are able to extend an especially helpful approach to the other person or people. A crucial factor here is “the capability to interpret the cognisance or self-awareness  of the speaker and the extent to which you are hearing and observing genuine ‘adult’ sounds and signals as distinct from [the senders] emotionally skewed [‘child’ or ‘parent’] outputs”. Again according to Business Balls ‘facilitative listening requires that you as listener will pause to think and prepare your responses during the exchange’, which is not a common trait with many listeners. They go on to say, “facilitative listening contains a strong additional element of being interested in helping the other person see and understand their options and choices”. To be a facilitative listener ‘you need to be devoid of any selfish personal motive, other than to extend help and to place the other person’s interests are at the forefront’. In my experience sound practitioners of this form of listening are able to use effective questions rather than making long winded so called ‘statements of fact’ to help the sender get where they need to be in their conversation and thoughts.

As I said the type of listening we use can have considerable outcomes in terms of our relationships and we all have a natural tendency to use one type or another. Again different situations or message senders will tend to influence our listening behaviour. I guess the most important thing to understand is that there are different forms of listening or listening behaviours and whether you see them as a hierarchy of “seven stages” or “eight levels” implying ‘improving progressions’ or you just accept my “five types” model you must be aware of how you are perceived as a listener and the consequences.

references

(1) http://www.managementblog.org/archives/2010/04/09/seven-stages-of-listening/

(2) http://www.businessballs.com/empathy.htm

3) Listening to understand. Business Balls states here “you listen only to the content and fail to receive all the non-verbal sounds and signals, such as tone of voice, facial expression, reaction of speaker to your own listening and reactions”. “Attentive data-only listening is typically driven by a strong personal results motive. It can be highly manipulative and forceful.” With this type of listening no effort is put into trying to build a relationship with the speaker. Here the listener is often asking lots of questions to reaffirm facts and can akin to the interrogator or inquisitor type of behaviour as described in the Johari Window model. This form of listening can at its best become listening to learn or active listening and can be quite difficult as we as listener attempt to come to “grips with new ideas or views to consolidated some long term memory”(2).

4) Empathetic listening or as Tom calls it “listening for the intersection where someone else’s experience meets our experience on which we can build trust.” Business Balls describe this as ‘listening with full attention to the sounds, and all other relevant signals, including: tone of voice, other verbal aspects – e.g., pace, volume, flow, style, emphasis facial expression body language, cultural or ethnic or other aspects of the person which would affect the way their communications and signals are affecting you.’ “This requires you to have an overall collective appreciation through all relevant senses of how the other person is feeling you able to see and feel the situation from the other person’s position.” With this type of listening “you are also reacting and giving feedback and checking understanding with the speaker. You will be [selectively questioning,] summarizing and probably taking notes.” Here you will be able to disagree constructively, signal understanding and use appropriate emotion controls. If you are able to engage in this type of listening behaviour you will be able to create an “improved relationship” and hopefully reach a state of “mutual awareness” with the other party.

If you are having trouble getting anyone to listen to you, perhaps its time for a change, so take a look at the free blank resume form to find some better listeners!

go to listening skills part 3

According to Tom Foster (ref:1) Every conversation can be calibrated, has a platform and he states there are seven stages of listening. The website Business Balls (ref 2) on the other hand states there are eight levels or types of listening

Both listening models referenced (see part 3) that I have used as the basis of this discussion start with not listening. To my way of thinking if we are not listening we are not listening therefore I don’t think point one in ether list is valid so I will ignore it other than to remark that we all have a capacity to physically or mentally block out what is being spoken and assigning it as background noise.

For my five types of listening I do admit I have relied in building this model heavily on both the articles by both Tom Foster and Business Balls and I suggest you visit their sites as they provide excellent information.

Ric’s FIVE TYPES of LISTENING

1) Pretending to listen or giving into your own thoughts or other distractions whilst trying to give the impression you are engaged with the speaker. Now we all know that this happens when the topic or the speaker are boring or we are say trying to hear what someone else is saying (eavesdrop) in a social situation. As Business Balls states when we are doing this we tend to use “stock nods and smiles” and non-committal verbal responses. If you do not maintain eye contact or even stare blankly others can easily tell you are not listening. You must realize that this behaviour is easily recognizable and for most is considered patronizing and extremely rude. If you are to maintain good relations you must avoid this behaviour at all costs and it is best if you find yourself doing this apologize for being distracted and politely withdraw from the engagement totally. The term I use is “sorry I’m very distracted at the moment perhaps we could have this conversation at another time”. Obviously if it is your boss you are listening to you must force yourself to concentrate and make sure you do not allow your distractions to let you down or your actions could be a career limiting event.

2) Listening selectively, listening to respond or as some call it biased listening. This is where I believe most listeners sit and in men I like to call this testosterone listening. The main listening purpose if you are in this mode is to find points of disagreement or weaknesses in another’s point of view so that we can you to reaffirm our attitude or argument. You may have some “interest and perhaps some flexibility in respect of the words spoken and your reactions to them, however because you are not thinking objectively and purely putting your own interpretation on what you are hearing by making the words fit what you expect or want them to fit”(2). Even if you are more benevolent in your attitude to what is being said much of your mind in this state will be preoccupied with plotting a response and usually the full message will be missed and misunderstanding will be common. This form of listening behaviour is damaging and over time and a number of interactions can destroy relationships.

see types of listening part 2

Many connections or interactions are not much more than rituals which are just “meaningless, repetitive routines devoid of real contact”. If you find that each interaction with another individual always seems to be nothing more than a polite conversation that is just following an almost rehearsed script you are obviously not really communicating or building a relationship. These situations are often built around “pastimes that fill up time with others in social, however superficial activities”. A more dangerous scenario is when these ritualized interactions become the sum total of our ‘working activities with all tasks strictly following the rules and procedures of contact and nothing more’.

As humans are political animals by nature there will always be the risk (or opportunity) for the communicators to be plying games which are usually “subtle, manipulative interactions which are about winning and losing”. If those around you are engaging in game playing fruitful communication and the chances to build any meaningful “closeness” is unlikely.

Maybe your communication problems are in part due to your body language or your facial expressions however they are topics for another day.

So where do you start to build your skill to become a more effective communicator. I still find that if you can be brutally honest with yourself  a reflection on how you behave with others based on the old however still valid JOHARI WINDOW model can give you some insights. A better road if you can stand it is to have your friends or colleagues assess you based on the model.

For a quick look at your style are you fond of using any of the following tactics during interactions with others?

1. Attacking -interrogating, criticizing, blaming, shaming or scoffing

2. Being overly reliant on “You Messages” – moralizing, preaching, advising, diagnosing or talking about you and what you have done or achieved.

3. Showing your actual or perceived power with most your communication taking the form of orders, threats, commands or giving directives

4. Falling victim to other verbal barriers can including poor use of tone, shouting, name calling, verbal abuse, berating or even pouting and refusing to speak.

We need to remember that if any of these undesirable verbal tactics are used trust will be lost and no real interpersonal relationships will be formed.

Before I finish direct page viewers can go to main blog to check out other posts by clicking on the white “orglearn.org” in the header panel above!

While you’re here take a look at the free blank resume form!

Finally: For effective communication to occur it must be two way, involve active listening, ‘reflect the accountability of speaker and listener’, utilize feedback, be free of stress and of course be clear and concise. The basic requirement for good communication is perhaps to develop a “closeness” with others that is built on open communication, mutual respect and above all trust.

refs:

wiki.answers.com/Q/How_can_you_overcome_communication_barriers

www.coachingachievement.co.uk/overcoming_communication_barriers