I believe success is just a fleeting moment when your realities match your expectations.

I also realize, for many, the number of those moments they experience overtime defines what they (and perhaps others) see as a successful life.

So why are some people more successful than others?

I have met many people in many lands over my life and although opportunities for some seem limited, even amongst those in the direst of circumstances, there are some people that make a great success of their life. I am talking about success when it is measured against the relative or real opportunities that exist for individuals due to the circumstances of their existence.

What is it that helps some rise whilst others languish in mediocrity?

Obviously there is no simple answer however I have noticed some common traits in those that succeed.

The first pillar of success (or trait that successful people seem to have) is that: “those who succeed invariably believe that SUCCESS IS A CHOICE”.

I read an article titled “SUCCESS IS A CHOICE!! It is that simple…” by a Jim McGilvary where he told a story of business woman who could not get her business to where she wanted it to be. He said in the article:

“I told her and I am telling you:

• Make no more excuses for not having success

• Hold yourself accountable for the good and the bad

• STOP the negative thinking

• STOP worrying about the “naysayers”

• Laugh in the face of the unknown and…

• Make the choice right now, that you will do what it takes to have success.

He goes on by saying:

“I will leave you with one last thought: To fail is to have tried. To try [in itself] is to have success. You cannot have success without some failure. Choose to try, whether you fail or succeed. You cannot have success without trying. Keep choosing to have success and you will have it. It is as simple as that.”

Now perhaps his advice is a little glib and it is not quite “as simple as that” particularly for those who are very in difficult situations, however if you think about it the logic is quite sound.

So point one is you must choose to succeed.

The second pillar is:

The need to have a STRONG PERSONAL VISION

In the video “The Power of Vision” Joel Barker explores the value of having a strong personal vision of a positive future. He stresses that this is a key, not only to success, but in some cases to survival itself. In one segment he tells the story of Viktor Frankl and says; “this remarkable man is the author of the outstanding book Man’s Search for Meaning.” Frankl he explains was a prisoner in Ausweise and Barker tells how “his strong sense of having a future saved both his life and the life of others.” The survivors had a common trait and he says… and I quote:  “all of those who made it through had [or at least believed they had] something significant yet to do in their future”. A vision of a positive future is a powerful driver in us all.

The third pillar is competence.

All people will naturally gravitate to those whom are competent. So what is competence? “ Competence is: ‘the ability to create and apply a solution to a particular problem’. Whether the problem is a leaky tap or a brain tumour competent people will always be sought after and success usually follows them. How do you become competent, learn, fail, re-learn, adjust, practice and hone your skill and build your knowledge and experience. There are no shortcuts.

The fourth pillar of success (or personal trait) is the ability to win during times of change and uncertainty.

Notice I didn’t say cope. Coping is just not good enough for success, we need to find ways to excel in a constantly changing universe. The skills you will need to do that are primarily an ability to stay focussed on your goals, a willingness to remain optimistic and an attitude of persistence and high levels of commitment. You need to have the strength of character to stay true to your vision even in times of great uncertainty. You will also need to develop an ability to analyze situations, deal with half-truths and minimal information and with all that still seek out and grasp opportunities to thrive.

Finally the fifth pillar is: To be able to work well with others.

That means you have to become a student of (and reach some reasonable level of understanding of) human nature. You must to succeed be willing to engage in politics. Politics is always present when humans are together whether at social outings or in the workplace. As part of working well with others you must become expert in communication… particularly the “learning to listen” part of communication. The are many articles and posts on this website covering the issues (or art) of communication and I commend them to you.

So what is success, other than what I have said so far it’s a lot of hard work, which of course is the reality of our existence… because… nobody… truly gets a free ride. Wait you say what about those that are born into successful rich families. Well they have the same problem as the rest of us, often their realities just do not match up to their (or even others) expectations.

A discussion on free speech and the need to maintain our right to say things that upset those around us. The stifling of free speech is one of the most important issues of our time.

I have recently seen a crazy example of this: Qantas was at the centre of a scandal after posting a photo of two guys who wore black face-paint and afro wigs after they posted a photograph of the marketing stunt on the micro-blogging site. The guys were dressed and made up to look like Radike Samo. complete with Afro Wig, Aus rugby kit and face paint, They were snapped a photo with “Samo” himself. The airline however after congratulating the two fans changed its tune after an angry Twitter backlash and then issued an apology. This was not a racist action and Samo himself seems to have had no problem with it. The guys were honouring a great Aussie team member. Give me a break PC crowd… get back in your dark little narrow box.

Dr Thilo Sarrazin, former central banker and author; Dr Janet Albrechtsen, columnist with The Australian; Professor James Allan, bills-of-rights scholar; and Brendan O’Neill, pulls-no-punches journalist and editor of the popular online UK publication spiked for a closer look into the pervasive problem of political correctness.

Beware of political correctness and the motive of those that peddle it as they are attempting to “muzzle free speech, stifle genuine inquiry and destroy independent thinking”.

Julian talks at (TED) about:

The importance to listening of patterns, differences, filters & intention.

How we are becoming desensitized and losing our ability to listen and the scary consequences of that fact.

5 listening practice methods

3 minutes of silence
Utilizing the mixer
Mundane sounds and the hidden choir
Listening Positions
A handy synonym – RASA

Listening has become such an important issue in our work and our personal lives that it is becoming an imperative for us to do some formal training on the subject. If you are having difficulty with a that this talk and other resources that can be found on the web may at least add some value and expertise.

Communication Commandment 2: Thou shall not hide by avoiding responding to emails or calls, or use total silence when face to face.

Communication Commandment 3: Thou shall not interrupt, arrogantly cut in with your own views, nor just be competing to ‘win’.

Communication Commandment 4: Thou shall not generalize, use spurious facts nor wallow in your own ‘genius’ ideas.

Communication Commandment 5: Thou shall not indulge in self-deception, self-righteousness, nor be defensive or dogmatic.

Communication Commandment 6: Thou shall not crucify the message by using jargon, slang or bad language.

Communication Commandment 7: Thou shall not be impolite by using “me and the team” rather than “the team and I”.

Communication Commandment 8: Thou shall not say yes to keep the peace when you need to say no to deal with the reality.

Communication Commandment 9: Thou shall not respond due to your attitude to the sender rather than the facts of the message.

Communication Commandment 10: Thou shall not be unwilling to look critically at your own position or behavior and how it’s impacting the situation.

Communication is…

“Achieving a state of shared understanding of the message transmitted”. Communication only occurs when the receiver fully comprehends what you mean. Communication to be successful must be confirmed by appropriate feedback that demonstrates that understanding.

Communication is not… just telling someone something!

So what’s the problem and why is there so much miss-communication?

Communication when you break it down is a series of ‘symbols’ translated into language and gestures by the sender, which are then deciphered as a new series of ‘symbols’ by the receiver! Example: Different words can mean different things to different people.

Take the word vision for example.

Vision can mean: eyesight, something that has been seen, something that is surreal and imagined, competence in discernment or perception, intelligent foresight, the way in which one sees or conceives of something or it can refer to an object of extraordinary beauty. Even if you take the final meaning beauty of course can be many things to many people, what you find beautiful may not be seen as such by another..

The most commonly used 2000 words in the English language can produce 14,000 possible interpretations and because those with whom we speak constantly interpret rather than truly listen… our real meaning is therefore often lost.

This leads to the second problem of communication… most people don’t really listen well.

Listening is a long subject that I will not go into here however suffice to say that when you are speaking with others they will be either preparing a response to what you are saying from early on in the conversation or worse still mentally thinking about what they a have prejudged in their mind about you and the topic you are presenting.

To truly communicate well you need to…

a) Plan what you are going to say by putting yourself in the shoes of your audience.

b) Use the famous seven “c’s” of communication! You must be…

•    Clear
•    Concise
•    Concrete
•    Correct
•    Coherent
•    Complete
•    Courteous

c) Be acutely aware that what you are saying will be filtered through both your and the listeners…

“Individual differences, cultural differences, attitudes about the message or the other person, stereotyping, generalizing, beliefs, values, assumptions about what the other person knows, thinks, feels or has heard, age, sex, perceptions, expectations, emotional state, jargon, differing verbal and non verbal signals, pre-empting, thinking about your perspective or how to answer something that you or the listener does not understand and environmental noise or visual distractions.”

A handy basic communication checklist.

During your planning you need to think about:

WHAT WE WANT TO COMMUNICATE: Organise our thoughts. Make a mental outline… (Know any people that never get to the point?) and state what we are communicating concisely in the appropriate order and at the appropriate pace.

WHEN TO SEND MESSAGE: Is this the right time? What frame of mind is receiver in? … Is the receiver going to listen or are they under stress or pressure from other situations they are dealing with?

WHERE TO GIVE MESSAGE: Is this the right place or are there a lot of distractions? Is more privacy required?

WHO IS THE RECEIVER: Their frame of reference, experience and needs.

THE METHOD OF SENDING OUR MESSAGE: In person, by phone, letter, memo or a combination of methods…

So finally to be an  effective communicator you need to hone your skills of soliciting pertinent feedback buy developing a series of pertinent questions during your planning process to ensure that what you are really communicating is understood and finally asking your listener to summarize what you have said to make sure the correct message has been received.

Some pertinent quotes from article one:

“We are really focusing on leadership attributes and finding the people with these qualities [talent] and then training them [in the technical aspects of our operation] as required. We look for people who connect well with others and are able to build relationships and effectively communicate.”

“People who are involved in their communities often have the opportunity to demonstrate leadership skills.”

‘We need people who have strong interpersonal skills and who work well in a team environment, because we want people who can build trusting relationships which are critical to gain customer loyalty, [hence] strong interpersonal skills are an absolute must.’

The article goes on to state a 2005 study for Leadership IQ found that it’s not a lack of technical skills, rather poor interpersonal skills that are the primary reason some new hires fail in all industries. It found that about one-quarter fail because they can’t accept feedback, about one-quarter fail because they’re unable to manage and understand emotions and about one in five fail because they lack the necessary motivation to excel.

The edited quotes above come from Maureen Galway, vice-president of human resources at ATB Financial. The article is: Financial sector focused on leadership skills by Shannon Sutherland, The Calgary Herald and it can be found : http://bit.ly/feJGSi

Another article from Australia states:  “The Australian finance and accounting skills shortage isn’t going away and actually appears to be worsening” and they aren’t talking about technical skills.

Quote… “As well as overseeing and delegating work, managers have a significant effect on job satisfaction and employee morale. Robert Half’s survey of 345 Australian finance, accounting and human resources professionals found that 52 per cent of employees would leave if they had a conflict with their manager, and 42 per cent would leave if they thought another company had a better management structure.

The survey survey found that “many employees feel their managers’ skills are not up to scratch, with 40 per cent describing the management skills of the person they report to as average or below” and that “a perception gap between how managers rate their own skills and how their employees rate them, with most employees disagreeing with the results of their manager’s self-evaluation”. It goes on  to discuss various attributes mangers think they display and how that employees disagree with the mangers self perception:

38 per cent of managers say they consistently lead by example, only 20 per cent of employees agree.

41 per cent of managers believe they consistently show interest in staff’s problems, only 23 per cent of employees agree

33 per cent of managers believe they set realistic goals, only 17 per cent of employees agree

22 per cent of managers think they inspire their team, however 82 per cent of employees think otherwise

‘To become a better leader, managers should think of the traits they want to see in their employees and demonstrate such traits themselves’. “Managers should also work to build strong, personal relationships with their staff”. Successful managers need to engage in “open communication [as it is an] “imperative to boost staff morale” and can I suggest to know what is really going on in their area of responsibility.

“Good managers are those who involve employees in the goal-setting process and discuss whether the goals are realistic and achievable.”

‘Good managers are those that encourage their employees to provide ideas and offer input. Managers should also take the time to learn what employees’ interests and skills are, and how they can best be used in the company. They should also take the time to recognise an employee’s contribution to the team.

‘Strong and effective management skills are therefore key to employee satisfaction and retention, as well as the continued success of an organisation.’

Quotes from Andrew Brushfield is director of Robert Half International at http://bit.ly/fTfWPK

Article three is titled – On Leadership, Teams, Success & Happiness

The telling quote for me in this article is: “I want somebody who can inspire you to produce great products but not know your trade better than you do.  I’m looking for somebody who can sell, but not better than our head of sales.  I’m looking for somebody who is good at planning but doesn’t try to do the work of the VP Finance. I want somebody that sets a stretch plan we can achieve, gets consensus amongst the team to shoot for certain goals and the path to achieve success.  I want somebody that can deal with partners, interest future investors and keep everybody calm in moments of set-backs.  If they’re from the industry – that’s a nice to have. But I want to be sure they’re not stuck with legacy thinking.”

Read more: http://read.bi/e6jxjh

The final article is: Edge Of Now, Leadership In The New Paradigm (see ref. below)

Here are some starting principles that leaders need to adopt now:

1. ‘Deeper recognition leaders in thought, word and deed of the changed nature of authority in all its forms’

2. “More humility and caution” when dealing with their constituents or for that matter staff

3. “More focus on the real and underlying engines of prosperity and social harmony and on the conditions” that exist in the current reality

4. “Wholesale revision of views about the processes of economic (read business) and social development (read corporate culture)”

5. ‘Less faith in [inflexible, slow to adapt] big is good culture and more understanding of the need for smaller more flexible and innovative’ organizations and structures

6. “Above all, stronger moral leadership” is being sought by all levels of business and society. The authors conclusion is that: Leaders in the new paradigm will be expected to illuminate, to see a little further beyond the edge of now, to have confidence in their own assessments and to be bold enough to respect the virtues, qualities, truths and values which it is their duty to maintain.

Can I add that they need to develop a more spherical view of reality rather than just sticking to their own narrow ‘truths’ based on past traditions is a must.

Reference & Read more at: http://read.bi/i31bmP

Although the topic of leadership is long and complicated I believe these four articles give some sound insights into what is required for modern business leadership. In fact these principles and stated personal or individual characteristics are just as valid for national or international leadership. For young people looking to establish themselves in a management leadership role much can be cleaned from reading these articles in there entirety.

No chance to lead where you currently work, here’s a resume example that may come in handy if you a looking to move on.

Things you should not do if you are being bullied

Starting a get even campaign by trying to secretly sabotage the bully or employing physical violence to counteract verbal attacks. It can also be counter productive trying to enlist the sympathy and help of inappropriate co-workers as in my experience often onlookers will pretend support as they enjoy watching the demise of either the bully or the one being bullied.

Things you should do to counteract an office bully

The first issue is to take the stance that its not your fault. I know this sounds obvious (and perhaps difficult) however some people I have met in my career seem to internalize the problem and blame themselves for what happens and live, or just exist, with a victim’s mentality. If you take this view of life it will be hard to overcome the injustice that is being inflicted upon you. You have to overcome negative feelings and realize that you are entitled to be how you want to be, feel how you would like to feel and that no one has the right to attack your feelings or try to diminish your sense of self worth. Employers have the right to judge your work in relation to their needs however no one has the right to question your values, feelings and emotions. If you need a strategy to get you started on a more positive outlook read something (or go to a course on) “affirmations” and/or “positive self talk”. Two things to remember here, they are clichés however they are true: “the most important words you will ever hear are the words you say to yourself about yourself when you are by yourself” and that “insanity is doing the same thing every time and expecting a different result”. You must using whatever means you can put real effort into either developing (or maintaining) your positive self image,

Many will advise you to enlist support of co-workers, this however as I said previously can be dangerous. You must report the bullying  behavior to the appropriate internal or external authorities. To do this you will need to keep a record of the incidents, even as I suggested in a recent tweet go to the lengths of recording your conversations with the bully. You must document your positive work outcomes particularly if someone in a position of power is taking credit for your work. You need to get support by going to your human resources department and/or any organization in your area set up to help with these situations. Often institutions such as social services or other quasi legal entities exist to handle these types of situations. If no improvement is forthcoming you must have the courage to take formal legal action. I realize that taking a formal approach to the bullying will put your job in jeopardy however letting yourself be bullied is a slippery slope of misery that can end in disaster.

There is also some interesting perspectives and positive outcome examples at:

http://abcnews.go.com/Business/WorkingWounded/story?id=468009

Before you go to read their advice its wise to remember if all else fails you may end up by changing employers. If you need to do that here is a resume example to get you started on your new direction. I certainly however hope you do not need to use it because of being bullied. Changing jobs is a drastic action however you need to realize you deserve to work in a reasonable environment and this will sometimes mean you need to find an employer with a more positive work culture where bullying is not tolerated.

The value of allowing yourself to be vulnerable!

SO WHICH ONE IS MORE LIKE YOU? – (ACCORDING TO THE STAFF?)

Leadership Anagram (new thinking)

L ove of followers is demonstrated
E mpathetic with individuals at all levels
A ble to create vision & achieve the mission
D emocratic decisions & communicates
E mpowers & encourages others
R esilient, overcomes setbacks
S haring, provides for followers needs
H opeful, positive & future driven
I ntelligent, uses the head and heart
P ersistent, sticks to the task, never gives up

Despotic Anagram (old thinking)

D ictatorial & commanding
E valuates rather than values
S uspicious and cynical
P ower seeking & taking
O ppresses differences
T otal control seeker
I ntrustive & instructive
C old and calculating

“THE WORLD THAT WE HAVE MADE AS A RESULT OF THE LEVEL OF THINKING WE HAVE DONE THUS FAR CREATES PROBLEMS THAT WE CANNOT SOLVE AT THE SAME LEVEL AT WHICH WE CREATED THEM” – Albert Einstein

I assume we are all a bit of a mixture of both leadership styles at different times however it would be interesting perhaps to do a 360 degree analysis on our management approach to see how we are viewed by others we deal with… or would that be a bit too stressful?

In a particular it can explain why many around us (that come from high uncertainty avoidance societies) show anxiety about an uncertain future particularly in times of change and how change induces stress (and often aggressiveness) and why for some formal rules and structures are protected to reduce risk. New ideas on ways of doing things for some can be seen as little more than, not to be tolerated ‘deviant’ behavior. Uncertainty avoidance individuals who feel relatively threatened will strive to believe in a common set of absolute truths (“the way we did it in the past”), with time focus being the now and the past and the traditional hierarchy seen as determining their wellbeing. These individuals will constantly seek direction from a trusted leader in the hierarchy and avoid personal responsibility because mistakes are seen as ‘sins’ that will exact punishment.

Although here again I have been discussing societies in general some families I believe produce these types of individuals in all societies so when looking to influence others around us we must be conscious of these traits. Again it is best to ask (tactfully) to understand another’s motivation rather than assuming.

If we add to a work situation a “masculine society”, assertive, materialistic, quantity of life individual who is trying to lead/manage and associate with a; sensitive, relationship oriented, group-welfare valuing, ‘quality of life’ driven flock of people, you can see why difficulties occur. A great example; many hotel GM’s are Austrian, who rank as no 2 in the world in masculine orientation. Imagine an Austrian GM trying to deal with a Thai workforce that rank at no 44, i.e. have a more “feminine” or relationship approach to life.

Part 6 final and back to main orglearn blog