I believe success is just a fleeting moment when your realities match your expectations.

I also realize, for many, the number of those moments they experience overtime defines what they (and perhaps others) see as a successful life.

So why are some people more successful than others?

I have met many people in many lands over my life and although opportunities for some seem limited, even amongst those in the direst of circumstances, there are some people that make a great success of their life. I am talking about success when it is measured against the relative or real opportunities that exist for individuals due to the circumstances of their existence.

What is it that helps some rise whilst others languish in mediocrity?

Obviously there is no simple answer however I have noticed some common traits in those that succeed.

The first pillar of success (or trait that successful people seem to have) is that: “those who succeed invariably believe that SUCCESS IS A CHOICE”.

I read an article titled “SUCCESS IS A CHOICE!! It is that simple…” by a Jim McGilvary where he told a story of business woman who could not get her business to where she wanted it to be. He said in the article:

“I told her and I am telling you:

• Make no more excuses for not having success

• Hold yourself accountable for the good and the bad

• STOP the negative thinking

• STOP worrying about the “naysayers”

• Laugh in the face of the unknown and…

• Make the choice right now, that you will do what it takes to have success.

He goes on by saying:

“I will leave you with one last thought: To fail is to have tried. To try [in itself] is to have success. You cannot have success without some failure. Choose to try, whether you fail or succeed. You cannot have success without trying. Keep choosing to have success and you will have it. It is as simple as that.”

Now perhaps his advice is a little glib and it is not quite “as simple as that” particularly for those who are very in difficult situations, however if you think about it the logic is quite sound.

So point one is you must choose to succeed.

The second pillar is:

The need to have a STRONG PERSONAL VISION

In the video “The Power of Vision” Joel Barker explores the value of having a strong personal vision of a positive future. He stresses that this is a key, not only to success, but in some cases to survival itself. In one segment he tells the story of Viktor Frankl and says; “this remarkable man is the author of the outstanding book Man’s Search for Meaning.” Frankl he explains was a prisoner in Ausweise and Barker tells how “his strong sense of having a future saved both his life and the life of others.” The survivors had a common trait and he says… and I quote:  “all of those who made it through had [or at least believed they had] something significant yet to do in their future”. A vision of a positive future is a powerful driver in us all.

The third pillar is competence.

All people will naturally gravitate to those whom are competent. So what is competence? “ Competence is: ‘the ability to create and apply a solution to a particular problem’. Whether the problem is a leaky tap or a brain tumour competent people will always be sought after and success usually follows them. How do you become competent, learn, fail, re-learn, adjust, practice and hone your skill and build your knowledge and experience. There are no shortcuts.

The fourth pillar of success (or personal trait) is the ability to win during times of change and uncertainty.

Notice I didn’t say cope. Coping is just not good enough for success, we need to find ways to excel in a constantly changing universe. The skills you will need to do that are primarily an ability to stay focussed on your goals, a willingness to remain optimistic and an attitude of persistence and high levels of commitment. You need to have the strength of character to stay true to your vision even in times of great uncertainty. You will also need to develop an ability to analyze situations, deal with half-truths and minimal information and with all that still seek out and grasp opportunities to thrive.

Finally the fifth pillar is: To be able to work well with others.

That means you have to become a student of (and reach some reasonable level of understanding of) human nature. You must to succeed be willing to engage in politics. Politics is always present when humans are together whether at social outings or in the workplace. As part of working well with others you must become expert in communication… particularly the “learning to listen” part of communication. The are many articles and posts on this website covering the issues (or art) of communication and I commend them to you.

So what is success, other than what I have said so far it’s a lot of hard work, which of course is the reality of our existence… because… nobody… truly gets a free ride. Wait you say what about those that are born into successful rich families. Well they have the same problem as the rest of us, often their realities just do not match up to their (or even others) expectations.

So sticking with the goals problem and bearing in mind what I have said, what are the main reasons we fail in our mission and what are the common mistakes we have to watch out for in the goal aspect of our plan?

Problem one: Often we do not spend enough time working on our most focusing on audacious or difficult goal.  Why – easy more comfortable goals can seem more attractive as we get some form of payback in a much shorter timeframe with much less effort.

Problem two: No form of the “SMART” principle is used. SMART stands for “Specific Measurable Attainable Realistic Time-bound” If this formulae is not applied to both the activities supporting the attainment of the goal and the goal itself the plan will be nothing more than some wishful thinking or useless navel gazing.

Problem three: Not correctly defining our compelling reasons the goal and not gaining agreement of the implementers of the action plan that the goal is worthwhile for all stakeholders. The goal must clearly be understood and valued in terms of the accepted vision and mission. It is critical that the goal setter clearly defines the benefits so it inspires those take the actions to stay committed to their tasks. Of course not clearly defining the downside and consequence of not achieving the coal can be part of the problem. We must explain both sides of the coin.

Please come back for part two of  “Goal Setting is Just the Start of the Real Work”

The “survive or thrive” checklist

1. Have you given yourself time to think and analyze the new situation (reality) thoroughly calmly and properly?

2. Are you able to ensure you can avoid misinterpretations and have you, through questioning effectively, gathered enough information on how things will be to make a rational decision on what the change will mean to you?

3. Have you looked for the opportunities a changed state will bring you rather than being driven by the fear of negative results being imposed upon you?

4. Have you inserted yourself in the change process so you are able to influence the outcomes that are important to you? (As opposed to becoming a negative, head in the sand naysayer.)

5 Based on what you have understood of your changed reality have you researched what shills you will need to develop to thrive in a new environment?

6. Are you focussing on the long-term or just frazzled by the moment and are you actively planning to ensure your future well being?

7. Are you able to match your values with the new situation if knot have you developed and exit strategy?

8. Have you gathered around you a positive group to ensure you can maintain emotionally supportive relationships during what is a natural period of stress?

Change is the only constant… who said that? Best of luck if you are going through a period of change, try to mange the process well.

Seeing life as a continuous learning experience plus being prepared to change our attitude and to let go of our proven ‘norms’ will not only help us overcome our fear, it will prepare us to deal with a new reality. Example; how many people for years worried about the cold war. Some became so paranoid they dug shelters and stocked them with supplies. Is the world full of holes stuffed with stale or rotting food? The one key to winning during change is to learn how the process is being implemented and to seek new competencies (through training) that you will need to operate in the new environment.

Tip: One great way to become more rational, less fearful and reduce our level of stress and worry during change is to sit and try to think of what we were worried about this time last year. Can’t remember? Most of us can’t. Remember (and believe), this time next year today’s woes will fade also.

In line with the need to see life as a continuos learning experience we should be prepared to fail and then analyse our failures to see how we can do things better the next time. If we are not prepared to fail we will be unable to make decisions and ‘a bad decision is better than no decision at all’. Just imagine if the first time we tried to stand up and because we failed we couldn’t decide whether to try again or not. Think about crawling to work for the rest of your life. How many times do sporting greats fail before they break a world record? Every failed putt, throw of the ball or toss of the javelin leads to a bank of knowledge that improves our performance. You really only fail if you don’t learn from the experience.

Hang on… what about hang gliding? Breaking the change process into smaller digestible pieces is the same principle as learning anything new. The old adage that people learn by ‘littles’ is a truism that can help. If we are going to accept change and overcome our fear we need to jump from small ledges before attempt large cliffs. If we break the change process into its smallest pieces our nervousness will be reduced. It also stands to reason that if we can see where we are going we are more confident than if we are leaping into the dark.

“ONLY I CAN CHANGE MY LIFE. NO ONE CAN DO IT FOR ME” – Carol Burnett

Change – Looking Ahead and Getting Others Involved

If we implement a change process we need to shine a light on the future. The best way is through a plan based on the various scenarios we have regarding the future. We must then effectively communicate a sound vision, develop the plan and succinctly explain the role of each of the stakeholders. This means we have to understand and advise every individual of their role in where they and we are heading. In my experience the only real question ever asked when a meeting on change is held is “WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME”. This question is often disguised as some technical enquiry regarding future operational difficulties… however it is the only question that is on the minds of those involved in change. If we don’t give or get a satisfactory and personal answer to their or our concerns fear levels (and resistance) increase enormously.

A close relative of mine was working for an advertising company that was being taken over, (the Big Change) and I offer the following story for your consideration. At the end of the process he ended up with a better job in the “merged” organization. As the company I was working for at the time was also being taken over I asked his advice. This is what he said, ‘fear of not knowing what is going on leads to resistance so you must be involved in the change process to the point of being seen as an active participant, particularly when critical decisions are made. Don’t avoid your responsibilities, volunteer and devote time to engineering the new situation… help the process don’t hinder it. Don’t hold a false and fruitless loyalty to the way things were. Listen to everything and ask for explanations. Avoid only hearing what your pre-conceived ideas are telling you about what may be happening and constantly seek to understand. Stay open and honest and speak the truth and… the hardest of all… control what you can however let go of that which you cannot’, or as another colleague of mine once put it, “don’t waste your energy fighting battles you can’t win”. It worked well for me!

If the outcomes of inevitable change aren’t the best possible for us, at least we should see what you could learn from the evolving situation. Buy the way I took his advice and ended up with an operation twice the size of that in my pre-takeover company and a much better salary and benefits package to boot.

“THE UNIVERSE IS CHANGE; OUR LIFE IS WHAT OUR THOUGHTS MAKE IT”. Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121 AD – 180 AD), Meditations

Refs:
Overcoming People’s Fear of Change – Douglas Howardell, http://www.theacagroup.com/overcome.htm
Change Happens, by Joe Flower, http://www.well.com/user/bbear/change1.html
Choosing Strategies for Change, By John P. Kotter and Leonard A. Schlesinger
Harvard Business Review March/April 1979
Organizational Behaviour Stephen P Robbins, Prentice Hall International Editions (seventh edition Part 5)
Change Happens, by Joe Flower, http://www.well.com/user/bbear/change1.html

The new world is becoming a worrying a scary place for many employees. A large proportion of ‘old economy’ workers who rely on outdated competencies, are finding themselves out in the chilly land of unemployment and at a much younger age. Mergers acquisitions and redundancies are on the increase. In an attempt to maintain the status-quo many seek ways to resist change in their organizations through union action, demonstrations or even by just hiding in the belief that past levels of competence and already learned shills will see them through the future . This resistance of course weakens their company and creates difficulties as modern organizations attempt to aim more accurately and a revolutionary marketplace. The inevitable outcome is that rather than managing/coping with change in a gradual and positive fashion these same people often end up at the sudden and violent end of a takeover (or bankruptcy) and they are then forced to make radical changes in a hostile environment.

Those who do not share what is becoming an increasingly powerful vision of the future are attempting to fight the world’s current (and inevitable) direction, much as many ‘scared’ generations of resistors have done throughout history. More than at any time in the past we are seeing the demise of inept, slow moving, old style, governments, associations and of course corporations. To use just a few examples, old style American manufacturers, Japanese Manufacturers, Greek, Spanish and Italian Governments and of course many ex Arab Governments. Even on a regional scale ‘old Europe’ seems to need to break their own Euro-zone rules due to resistance by the local old thinkers unable to embrace new market realities. The most highly publicized resistance to change can be observed as crowds gather when world trade organization and international banking institutions meet to discuss the future of ‘the global village’.

In 1633 Galileo was denounced by the Inquisition and forced to recant his belief in Copernican theory… however…

THE SUN WOULD NEVER REVOLVE AROUND THE EARTH, NO MATTER HOW LONG GALILEO WAS LEFT TO ROT IN JAIL

So what do we do?

Resistance is futile! How many manual ledger keepers, people that use typewriters, skilled metal workers or for that matter floor traders do you see about you. I can still remember some years ago seeing a demonstration of a prototype automatic teller machine and watching fascinated young bankers as they looked at it in awe and wondered what it all meant. Lets not star on bankers, their old style operations and attitude have cost the world billions. Even when legislation is passed in an attempt to enforce better management practices they still can’t change their way-wood management habits, UBS being a great example.

The first thing we need to do is acknowledge that by nature we all tend resist, or at least try to deny, change; we all tend like the old ways of doing things and the comfort zone we have created. Rubbish Richard you may think and you could be saying to yourself… many of us embrace change, including our staff, we are part of the future. To see where the level of resistance is try this game (source unknown) at your next meeting… just for fun. Ask your staff to face each other in pairs and look closely at their partner. Then tell them to turn away and secretly change two things about their appearance. They will do things like move their pens, take off their watch, undo their tie etc; leave the changes to their own imagination. Then have them face each other again and tell their partner what has changed (about their partner). They will proudly boast about a two out of two result and you should congratulate them for their astute observations. Say nothing more except ask them all to sit back down; (I bet most sit in the same seat each meeting). Now watch and be amazed, I guarantee ninety nine point nine percent will re-adjust their appearance back to they way it was before the game started. Then ask yourself are we really breeding a staff compliment that accepts the changes that can take us into the future, or are they just telling us they are change oriented because they know that’s what we want to hear.

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE ARE FRIGHTENED OF NEW IDEAS. I’M FRIGHTENED OF THE OLD ONES” (John Cage)

More change coming part 2…

The approach to selling the ads on site was to visit each business personally and ask if they would place an ad. Some success was quickly achieved and a number of advertisers came on board. Now the site being both fairly new and by its charity nature cannot and will not boast masses of visitors. The  members of the club however will tend to support the businesses that support them, that’s just human nature. Additionally of course some advertisers view it as good PR to support a local charity and will see the cost of their ad as a donation to a worthy cause.

So what about the no. A number of businesses approached used the old “send me a proposal” fudge to get me out of their face. Now that’s fine I am happy to go back write an email to thank them for their time, thank them for seeing me and thank them for considering advertising and for looking at my proposal. It would however save me a lot of time if they just said “no” on the spot.

So now as a seller and more to the point a potential ‘real’ business customer, my feeling towards those businesses is a little negative. One business said no immediately and although we had used his services for a long time and was a little annoyed, at least he did not suck up extra energy by stringing me along by asking for a proposal. He just stated honestly he was “fully committed at the moment” and could not participate. It is worth noting, I am not talking big money here, the advertising space is only $10..00 per week on the index page and $5 a week on the ancillary pages.

This brings me back to the four other businesses which said, send me the submission. Some three weeks later I have not had a response from any of the four. I feel abused and angry at the discourtesy of these business people and will not do business with them in the future. I will also discourage others to avoid them as well. Who knows why these particular people couldn’t say NO, however in doing as they did they have, at least with me and those I can influence, destroyed their reputation and any chance of commercial dealings in the future.

So why don’t people say no?

According to authors  James Rapson and Craig Enlish who wrote “Anxious to Please” many individuals are: “people pleasures” by nature.

They state:

“People pleasers are driven by anxiety to be nice whether it’s called for or not. People pleasers are nice even when they’re being ignored or insulted. People pleasers navigate their world by accommodating and acquiescing, by trying to please.”

They also importantly advise:

“What is the result of their can’t say no, “peace at any price” behavior? The opposite of what they hoped for— disapproval,  conflict, and  rejection.” This outcome of their behavior is I believe well deserved. People pleasers are obviously also conflict avoiders and to my way of thinking somewhat cowardly in their dealings with others. None of us like a no however, most of us absolutely hate being ignored and forgotten.

So what’s the lesson? If you can’t do something, suck it up and just say NO. Wasting the time of others through fobbing them off with a “send me a proposal” tactic is crass and un-businesslike. Making a bad situation worse by then just ignoring the asker/seller is a great way to destroy your reputation and credibility and you WILL deserve all the negatives that result,

Google+

Finally out of frustration he, lets call him Geoff, came to me and said he was sick of waiting as he had not had any positive feedback from his friend on when he might finish. I agreed to take on the project and got to work straight away. Although I had another important project underway I finished Geoff’s job in about ten days.

After I had finished the job I coincidentally I met the other supplier for the job at a social event and on discussing building websites in general (a common interest) he mentioned Geoff and said “I have had a job sitting around for a year perhaps you should take it as I and my website techie guy are a bit busy”. He went on and said with a smirk ‘I’m sure if you do it within a year Geoff will be happy. I found this attitude appalling and I know the supplier had actually had plenty of time to get the job done much earlier.

I had also used the other supplier for some creative work and printing some time in the past. My treatment was the same; he promised a lot and delivered very little. In the process he managed to insult me by telling me my existing printed material that his designs would be replacing was rubbish. Unbeknown to him I had designed the existing material myself. Now rubbish or not I still felt insulted.

So if we are looking t advance our career or just work effectively what are the lessons.

1. If you agree to take on a task get on with it with some sense of urgency.
2. “Bullshit may baffle brains” as the old saying goes however not for long.
3. Respect your customer’s let them know where you up to during a job’s progress.
4. Don’t take on work you can’t handle, as your inability to perform will destroy your credibility.
5. The cheapest quote is not always the best quote.
6. Your reputation is important and your slowness to act will always be publicized to others and can destroy your market and your brand, particularly your personal brand
7. Never scoff at the current work or product of your customer because you never know the history of how it got to be what it was or how attached they are to what they have.

Whether you are an employee or an independent contractor the old rule still stands, if you want to be seen as effective “say what you will do ad do it and say what you won’t do and don’t do it.

I am sure there are other lessons that can be drawn from this situation and hopefully you can add a comment to express your similar experiences and the lessons that those experiences teach.

From this incident I developed a number of ‘LESSONS’ that I posted on Google+

Lesson 1: Respect regardless of position cannot be demanded it must be earned!

Lesson 2: Transparency of the process, particularly during times of change, is paramount.

Lesson 3: If you are in command of an aircraft carrier don’t try to turn as if it were a fighter jet.

Lesson 4: Ensure that ALL key players required for the change are fully engaged in the process.

Lesson 5: Change will always create a level of animosity and fear due to a natural tendency in all of us to wonder… whats it going to mean to me.

A number of people commented and here is an edited selection.

JS – You have to adapt to the rhythm of the team first [ before implanting any changes] and then change their pace from within.

RB – Good point, JS I think it’s necessary to start making changes where you can in such a situation, meetings, small procedures and get people used to being a little surprised.

BB – Better to slow and involve everyone who matters along the way.

TSH – The core rules with any type of change management: understanding the current environment, listening to the cultural noise and getting the requisite feedback before making any decisions. The masses really do have the final word.

BY – What was his level of commitment, really, if he wasn’t willing to stick it out for more than three weeks (confrontation comes with the territory)? Did he present his concepts in a manner for phase by phase changes or, was it an aggressive strategy?

ZK – It’s best to bring change by taking everyone on board. Show them how the new processes would make their jobs easier and transparent.

My interest in the topic increased and during further research I found a great resource in an article by Andrew O’Keeffe of “The Boss” and “Hardwired Humans” fame.

The article:

“PEOPLE ARE OPEN TO CHANGE, AS LONG AS IT IS APPROACHED IN THE RIGHT WAY. UNDERSTANDING INSTINCTS IS A USEFUL STARTING POINT”

Some of the points he makes regarding change are:

“Organisational life is harder than it needs to be. We make it harder because, mostly, our leadership practices are contrary to human instincts. Change is a good example. There is a saying that people resist change. While this might be conventional wisdom, it just isn’t true. If people were hardwired to resist change, we’d still be living in caves.”

“People are fine with change, provided it meets one criterion: that it does not involve loss. Humans are hardwired for loss aversion. This is one of nine instincts we have.”

His article goes on to list the nine hardwired characteristic we have and here is a summary:

1. LOSS AVERSION
Humans are significantly more motivated by the avoidance of loss than the opportunity to gain.

2. EMOTION BEFORE REASON
This filtering for loss is performed instantly, emotionally and often subconsciously. This is because we screen information first based on emotion (how it makes me feel) and only later (sometimes delayed by only a millisecond) on logic.

3. FIRST IMPRESSIONS TO CLASSIFY
People make instant judgments about people and situations as a way to quickly classify their experiences. People readily classify information into categories such as “good or bad”, “harmful not harmful”, “like me or not like me” and “loss or gain”.

4. GOSSIP
If a leader leaves the first impression to chance, then you are probably leaving the communication to the grapevine. People are hardwired to gossip.

5. CONFIDENCE BEFORE REALISM
Humans are hardwired to deny reality – to emphasise what is possible and to underestimate what is practical. This is the instinct that causes business leaders to plan optimistically and disregard implementation.

6. EMPATHY AND MIND READING
Humans are mind readers. We detect how others are thinking and feeling by what’s written on their face. The implication for leaders managing change is that staff will most likely accurately read your intentions.

7. CONTEST AND DISPLAY
Humans spend time, money and energy making ourselves look good. In times of change, we can fall into a primitive trap. The trap is that your actions might be, at an unconscious level, about looking good.

8. COMMUNITY
Humans are social animals. We are hardwired to connect strongest to our family-sized group of around seven people in our “village” of up to one hundred and fifty people.

9. HIERARCHY AND STATUS
Human groups function through hierarchy. When hierarchy and power are unclear, groups become dysfunctional.

If you would like to download a pdf of the full article it can be found at “hardwiredhumans” dot com in the articles-and-media section.

With the amount and pace of change that the world and of course organizations are being forced to deal with at the moment if you are serious about thriving (rather than just surviving) into the future, much of your attention as a leader will need to be focused on the issue of change and how to implement it.

Julian talks at (TED) about:

The importance to listening of patterns, differences, filters & intention.

How we are becoming desensitized and losing our ability to listen and the scary consequences of that fact.

5 listening practice methods

3 minutes of silence
Utilizing the mixer
Mundane sounds and the hidden choir
Listening Positions
A handy synonym – RASA

Listening has become such an important issue in our work and our personal lives that it is becoming an imperative for us to do some formal training on the subject. If you are having difficulty with a that this talk and other resources that can be found on the web may at least add some value and expertise.

You as a new recruit might have more talent than existing team members however they have more experience.

It’s a privilege, not a right, to play/work in a top team regardless of how talented you are.

Your place in any team is temporary and it will be in every team you work with, or as he put it, “Your jersey is rented. You’re replaceable”

Developing sound levels of emotional intelligence is essential. “Don’t get sensitive, be coachable.”

“Habits create who you are and if you’re habits aren’t changing, you ain’t changing.”

Never be late for meetings, it shows a lack of commitment and loses you the trust of others and of course their respect.

“Be a good listener.” This is a learnable skill, if you have a problem with it… fix it.

Work hard to earn the trust of the leader and senior team members.

Adapted from a summary of “The Incredible Speech New NFL Recruits Got This Year” (June 29th 2011) – on the Business Insider Website. Read the full article at: http://www.businessinsider.com/15-career-tips-from-herm-edwards-nfl-speech-2011?op=1 where they also have the link to the actual speech on YouTube

Important point: Fitting into a new team is never easy however the tips here and of course the full list referenced above will give any new recruit a good start. I once conducted a survey in a company I worked with an asked existing staff if they accepted new company hires immediately because the company had put the trust in the new hires by employing them in the first place. The emphatic answer was no, not for some months until they had “proved themselves”. Lets be honest whether its formally documented or not all new jobs come with a six month probation period. Guess who decides if you pass probation or not, your peers and ‘subordinates’… not the management, however they will see how you relate to the team, the team will inform them on how well you fit and if you don’t you’re out.