The approach to selling the ads on site was to visit each business personally and ask if they would place an ad. Some success was quickly achieved and a number of advertisers came on board. Now the site being both fairly new and by its charity nature cannot and will not boast masses of visitors. The  members of the club however will tend to support the businesses that support them, that’s just human nature. Additionally of course some advertisers view it as good PR to support a local charity and will see the cost of their ad as a donation to a worthy cause.

So what about the no. A number of businesses approached used the old “send me a proposal” fudge to get me out of their face. Now that’s fine I am happy to go back write an email to thank them for their time, thank them for seeing me and thank them for considering advertising and for looking at my proposal. It would however save me a lot of time if they just said “no” on the spot.

So now as a seller and more to the point a potential ‘real’ business customer, my feeling towards those businesses is a little negative. One business said no immediately and although we had used his services for a long time and was a little annoyed, at least he did not suck up extra energy by stringing me along by asking for a proposal. He just stated honestly he was “fully committed at the moment” and could not participate. It is worth noting, I am not talking big money here, the advertising space is only $10..00 per week on the index page and $5 a week on the ancillary pages.

This brings me back to the four other businesses which said, send me the submission. Some three weeks later I have not had a response from any of the four. I feel abused and angry at the discourtesy of these business people and will not do business with them in the future. I will also discourage others to avoid them as well. Who knows why these particular people couldn’t say NO, however in doing as they did they have, at least with me and those I can influence, destroyed their reputation and any chance of commercial dealings in the future.

So why don’t people say no?

According to authors  James Rapson and Craig Enlish who wrote “Anxious to Please” many individuals are: “people pleasures” by nature.

They state:

“People pleasers are driven by anxiety to be nice whether it’s called for or not. People pleasers are nice even when they’re being ignored or insulted. People pleasers navigate their world by accommodating and acquiescing, by trying to please.”

They also importantly advise:

“What is the result of their can’t say no, “peace at any price” behavior? The opposite of what they hoped for— disapproval,  conflict, and  rejection.” This outcome of their behavior is I believe well deserved. People pleasers are obviously also conflict avoiders and to my way of thinking somewhat cowardly in their dealings with others. None of us like a no however, most of us absolutely hate being ignored and forgotten.

So what’s the lesson? If you can’t do something, suck it up and just say NO. Wasting the time of others through fobbing them off with a “send me a proposal” tactic is crass and un-businesslike. Making a bad situation worse by then just ignoring the asker/seller is a great way to destroy your reputation and credibility and you WILL deserve all the negatives that result,

Google+

From this incident I developed a number of ‘LESSONS’ that I posted on Google+

Lesson 1: Respect regardless of position cannot be demanded it must be earned!

Lesson 2: Transparency of the process, particularly during times of change, is paramount.

Lesson 3: If you are in command of an aircraft carrier don’t try to turn as if it were a fighter jet.

Lesson 4: Ensure that ALL key players required for the change are fully engaged in the process.

Lesson 5: Change will always create a level of animosity and fear due to a natural tendency in all of us to wonder… whats it going to mean to me.

A number of people commented and here is an edited selection.

JS – You have to adapt to the rhythm of the team first [ before implanting any changes] and then change their pace from within.

RB – Good point, JS I think it’s necessary to start making changes where you can in such a situation, meetings, small procedures and get people used to being a little surprised.

BB – Better to slow and involve everyone who matters along the way.

TSH – The core rules with any type of change management: understanding the current environment, listening to the cultural noise and getting the requisite feedback before making any decisions. The masses really do have the final word.

BY – What was his level of commitment, really, if he wasn’t willing to stick it out for more than three weeks (confrontation comes with the territory)? Did he present his concepts in a manner for phase by phase changes or, was it an aggressive strategy?

ZK – It’s best to bring change by taking everyone on board. Show them how the new processes would make their jobs easier and transparent.

My interest in the topic increased and during further research I found a great resource in an article by Andrew O’Keeffe of “The Boss” and “Hardwired Humans” fame.

The article:

“PEOPLE ARE OPEN TO CHANGE, AS LONG AS IT IS APPROACHED IN THE RIGHT WAY. UNDERSTANDING INSTINCTS IS A USEFUL STARTING POINT”

Some of the points he makes regarding change are:

“Organisational life is harder than it needs to be. We make it harder because, mostly, our leadership practices are contrary to human instincts. Change is a good example. There is a saying that people resist change. While this might be conventional wisdom, it just isn’t true. If people were hardwired to resist change, we’d still be living in caves.”

“People are fine with change, provided it meets one criterion: that it does not involve loss. Humans are hardwired for loss aversion. This is one of nine instincts we have.”

His article goes on to list the nine hardwired characteristic we have and here is a summary:

1. LOSS AVERSION
Humans are significantly more motivated by the avoidance of loss than the opportunity to gain.

2. EMOTION BEFORE REASON
This filtering for loss is performed instantly, emotionally and often subconsciously. This is because we screen information first based on emotion (how it makes me feel) and only later (sometimes delayed by only a millisecond) on logic.

3. FIRST IMPRESSIONS TO CLASSIFY
People make instant judgments about people and situations as a way to quickly classify their experiences. People readily classify information into categories such as “good or bad”, “harmful not harmful”, “like me or not like me” and “loss or gain”.

4. GOSSIP
If a leader leaves the first impression to chance, then you are probably leaving the communication to the grapevine. People are hardwired to gossip.

5. CONFIDENCE BEFORE REALISM
Humans are hardwired to deny reality – to emphasise what is possible and to underestimate what is practical. This is the instinct that causes business leaders to plan optimistically and disregard implementation.

6. EMPATHY AND MIND READING
Humans are mind readers. We detect how others are thinking and feeling by what’s written on their face. The implication for leaders managing change is that staff will most likely accurately read your intentions.

7. CONTEST AND DISPLAY
Humans spend time, money and energy making ourselves look good. In times of change, we can fall into a primitive trap. The trap is that your actions might be, at an unconscious level, about looking good.

8. COMMUNITY
Humans are social animals. We are hardwired to connect strongest to our family-sized group of around seven people in our “village” of up to one hundred and fifty people.

9. HIERARCHY AND STATUS
Human groups function through hierarchy. When hierarchy and power are unclear, groups become dysfunctional.

If you would like to download a pdf of the full article it can be found at “hardwiredhumans” dot com in the articles-and-media section.

With the amount and pace of change that the world and of course organizations are being forced to deal with at the moment if you are serious about thriving (rather than just surviving) into the future, much of your attention as a leader will need to be focused on the issue of change and how to implement it.

Delegation Rule 2 Trust them first, train & test for competence before you delegate,

Delegation Rule 3 Clearly define the tasks that must be done and limits of authority attached.

Delegation Rule 4 Explain what’s in it for the one you are delegating to.

Delegation Rule 5 Inform the team of your reasons for delegating the task to a particular person.

Delegation Rule 6 Answer all questions from the nominee and others in the team.

Delegation Rule 7 Define clearly the importance of the task in terms of desired outcomes.

Delegation Rule 8 Mentor the person you have delegated to particularly in the early stages.

Delegation Rule 9 Maintain your responsibility for the task while handing over authority to act to the person delegated to.

Delegation Rule 10 Ensure the resources needed to the task are supplied to the individual undertaking the task.

Delegation Rule 11 Explain how the delegated task fits into the overall work flow, give the big picture.

Delegation Rule 12 Ensure that the person you delegate to is prepared to take ownership of the task.

Delegation Rule 13 Clearly explain the reason for the task and why it must be done.

Delegation Rule 14 Explain what measurements will be used to define successful completion of the task.

Delegation Rule 15 Get agreement on timeline and deadlines and include timing for status reports.

Delegation Rule 16 Don’t constantly ask for update or hound the person you have delegated to.

Delegation Rule 17 Confirm understanding by getting the person you have delegated to, to explain in their own words what you want them to do.

Delegating Rule 18 Ensure support is agreed from other team members and recipients of the work and other stakeholders.

Delegation Rule 19 Insist that all feedback on success or otherwise of the delegation comes to you directly.

Delegation Rule 20 If the delegation fails be sure you accept the responsibility and if it succeeds share the glory.

Quote: ‘To empower employees, managers need to create a nurturing environment in which staff can learn, grow, improve, and function effectively.’ “Staff empowerment gives employees a sense of trust, importance and capability, thus creating a positive work environment.” (Ref “xnet.kp.org/permanentejournal/fall03/staff.html”)

Quote: “To feel empowered, employees must have a sense of self-determination, competence, meaning and influence.  Employees’ sense of self-determination is the perception that they are free to make choices and that their actions are not [over] controlled by policies, systems or managerial dictates.  Granting autonomy to employees helps them feel a sense of self-determination.  The higher employees’ competence, the more they appreciate and thrive when given autonomy. As long as employees perceive that doing their job satisfies important needs of internal or external customers, they’ll see the meaningfulness of their work.” (Ref: www.wright.edu/~scott.williams/LeaderLetter/empowerment.htm)

The article in wright.edu also points out the basic requirements of being systematic and consistent and that any empowerment program needs to develop their competence and confidence.

Managers who want to empower their staff must either be be trainers themselves or at least provide some competence development input and know how to acquire the training required by their staff.  Now you would think this would be a “no brainer” however in my experience mangers often neglect this duty and if we are looking at soft skill development, will actively reject it on the excuse that their staff/department is too busy to attend. Often then if new skills and knowledge are gained, when the employee gets back to work managers will still neglect to implement the ‘new ways’ of doing things. This is often because implementation of the operational changes desired/required will can be time consuming and and can be seen as risky to make . This is why the development of an organizational culture of empowerment that all managers buy into is so important. Managers must also become proficient in, as wright.edu puts it, ” telling them what they will be learning and why, providing information and demonstrations, allowing opportunities for practice” and finally “providing feedback on performance”. Confidence obviously comes from successful performances (either their own or as observed in others) and from encouragement by those who are respected and and seen as mentors.

One final definition of empowerment:

Empowerment is the process of enabling, through the development of competence combined with the authorizing of an individual to think, behave, take action, and control work and decision making in autonomous ways. The payoff for the organization, a more effective and presumably customer oriented operation and for the employee a feeling of being self-empowered and being able to influence the outcome of their own future.

Empowerment  is not something someone (a manger) bestows on the people who report to him,’ it is a personal development process undertaken in an atmosphere of mutual, trust, understanding, learning and shared responsibility. The organization’s management has the responsibility to create a work environment which helps foster the ability and desire of employees to act in empowered ways through the removal barriers that limit that ability.

Not feeling empowered? Time to update your resume? Free blank resume form/template.

Social media choices are vast and it can be a bit confusing in a busy life as to where to concentrate your efforts and which technology to use.

FREE DEMO PROGRAM

Can I suggest a four pronged approach.

1) Start a Facebook page that is separate from your personal account. Form relationships through groups that discuss work/business issues you are interested in. If you are in sales for example find the appropriate sales or marketing groups to join with a view to making a contribution and of course networking. Do some research on relevant topics and add value to the groups by posting useful articles to your timeline.

2) Start a Twitter stream and only tweet on your professional interest. Be careful with the name you set up with. If you are say a graphic designer, try to get that fact in your Twitter name. e.g. BillsGraphicDesign For research on your topics you can use “Google Alerts”, this can take much of the hard work out of the research for your tweets.

3) Write a blog. Warning writing a blog is lots of work and if you can’t consistently write on a topic you’re passionate about don’t start. As a bare minimum you will need to post one 600 word article a week. Again you can use Google to do your research. For your blog WordPress seems to have a little more credibility however Blogger (blogspot) can have ads and activity can be monitored through Google.

4) Build your profile on Linkedin and again join discussion groups and befriend others in your area of expertise or in similar careers.

You can automatically link/publish both your blogs and twitter streams to Facebook and your Linkedin profiles.

Finally what programs/widgets to use. This of course is primarily for Twitter and Facebook. I suggest you use Tweet Deck to manage your posts and TweetAdder3 to manage your audience/followers. I also recommend you start with both programs from day one. One is free and the one advertised above and below has a free demo to try it out.

Often when the pressure to produce is on, the only option is to clearly state our expectations and get on with it.

These situations are often related to issues where valid actions or processes need to be undertaken or changed where there is no room to debate or negotiate, particularly as they relate to rules, policies, the law or even the greater good of the organization. They also occur as delivery deadlines approach or customer satisfaction or retention is critical and under threat.

So how do you most effectively go about stating your expectations?

Firstly it seems to work best if you start out by listening to the person you need to influence and make sure you fully understand their point of view before you restate your own expectation when instructions were not accepted in the first instance. It will always be beneficial to indicate that your mind is not closed to another’s views, however there are times where, even if commitment is preferred, you will need to settle for compliance. Important point: Whilst actively listening to another’s point of view don’t “cop out” by raising false hopes of compromise or negotiation or these will come back and bite you at a later date.

To make it stick outline the resulting incentives or disincentives if the other person will not meet your needs

Since this is influence gained through ‘coercive’ or ‘position’ power, the other person may only be influenced to comply because it is worth their while to do so. You should only use the threat of sanctions if it is clear that the need being outlined or actions being requested will not be met by any other method.

Important point: If you constantly use this method of influence to get things done you will be seen as a weak autocrat. Just as importantly if you do not use this tactic (and many seem to avoid it) and let results suffer you will merely be seen as weak or a pushover. Remember when or others demand that we conform to their instructions we feel oppressed and victimized and ultimately we will become resentful. This influencing tactic should to be used sparingly and perhaps only as a last resort.

Your expectations not being met in your current job? Take a look at the free blank resume form and perhaps you can find somewhere more willing to accommodate you!

Finally a very very important point: If you threaten sanctions or offer rewards carry out on your threats or offers or your followers (staff) will become totally unmanageable and you will need to move on and the resume form above may become more than just and option and more of an essential.

Many connections or interactions are not much more than rituals which are just “meaningless, repetitive routines devoid of real contact”. If you find that each interaction with another individual always seems to be nothing more than a polite conversation that is just following an almost rehearsed script you are obviously not really communicating or building a relationship. These situations are often built around “pastimes that fill up time with others in social, however superficial activities”. A more dangerous scenario is when these ritualized interactions become the sum total of our ‘working activities with all tasks strictly following the rules and procedures of contact and nothing more’.

As humans are political animals by nature there will always be the risk (or opportunity) for the communicators to be plying games which are usually “subtle, manipulative interactions which are about winning and losing”. If those around you are engaging in game playing fruitful communication and the chances to build any meaningful “closeness” is unlikely.

Maybe your communication problems are in part due to your body language or your facial expressions however they are topics for another day.

So where do you start to build your skill to become a more effective communicator. I still find that if you can be brutally honest with yourself  a reflection on how you behave with others based on the old however still valid JOHARI WINDOW model can give you some insights. A better road if you can stand it is to have your friends or colleagues assess you based on the model.

For a quick look at your style are you fond of using any of the following tactics during interactions with others?

1. Attacking -interrogating, criticizing, blaming, shaming or scoffing

2. Being overly reliant on “You Messages” – moralizing, preaching, advising, diagnosing or talking about you and what you have done or achieved.

3. Showing your actual or perceived power with most your communication taking the form of orders, threats, commands or giving directives

4. Falling victim to other verbal barriers can including poor use of tone, shouting, name calling, verbal abuse, berating or even pouting and refusing to speak.

We need to remember that if any of these undesirable verbal tactics are used trust will be lost and no real interpersonal relationships will be formed.

Before I finish direct page viewers can go to main blog to check out other posts by clicking on the white “orglearn.org” in the header panel above!

While you’re here take a look at the free blank resume form!

Finally: For effective communication to occur it must be two way, involve active listening, ‘reflect the accountability of speaker and listener’, utilize feedback, be free of stress and of course be clear and concise. The basic requirement for good communication is perhaps to develop a “closeness” with others that is built on open communication, mutual respect and above all trust.

refs:

wiki.answers.com/Q/How_can_you_overcome_communication_barriers

www.coachingachievement.co.uk/overcoming_communication_barriers

‘Jan. 26 2010 PRNewswire/ — According to a recent national survey by Lee Hecht Harrison, the majority of workers in the U.S. find their bosses likeable, but feel the management within their companies have room for improvement.’

Well that’s a “no brainer” of course and I guess it will always be the case however their next statement gives a little more insight.

“When asked to rank which qualities their boss best exhibited, likability took the top spot among U.S. workers, followed by leadership, honesty, fairness, patience and loyalty. Although leadership ranked second, just less than half of workers polled (49%) thought their managers exhibited strong leadership skills – a sobering data point reinforcing the need for renewed focus on leadership development.”

I have seen in many countries the problem of bosses wanting to be liked. To be honest if you are an individual that needs to be liked can I suggest you don’t take on a leadership role. You don’t want to be hated either however you must be respected if you are wanting to be an effective leader.

There are many aspects of to gaining respect however here is a short checklist.

Openness: let people know what you want from them and how you feel about their efforts

Competence: if you can’t demonstrate that you are a competent person you will never gain committed followers

Consistency: a measured and stable attitude to work and followers is essential if you are to reduce unwarranted levels tension and promote excellence

According to the website Bizcovering [and I agree] you also need to ‘Show courage in facing difficult issues even admitting own mistakes, maintain your vision consistently and involve everyone positively’. They go on to say a “most importantly. you need some mechanism for sustaining hope when things otherwise look sour.”

Another key survey finding uncovered: “Motivation & Mentorship Lagging: Only 24% of employees polled felt that their manager displayed motivational skills [I think they mean inspirational skill as I have explained in another blog post] and the same number noted that their supervisor failed to mentor and explain the choices made from an organizational perspective.”

**Link for direct page viewers return to main blog if you would like to read other blog posts on career and leadership success!

If you are looking to work for a more effective leader and need a change of jobs/employers take a look at the free blank resume form!

Finally can I suggest that again the central problem is poor communication skills. I have written many posts on the need to communicate well as a manger, the difficulties most of us have and some of the solutions available. Can I also strongly suggest that if you are a manger and not currently reading (or have never read) a book on leadership and/or leadership communication, best visit your local bookstore as soon as possible.

The elements of trust and actions you must take to be trusted.

In your communications be specific and direct. Don’t avoid the “elephant in the room”, bring issues it to the fore early and often. If problems are occurring or others are not performing as you wish let them know with tact and in private. Use a calm and logical approach to your communication and avoid abruptness.

Share credit with those that assisted in wins you have had, even go to the point of slightly overstating their contribution or as someone said “when in doubt, share”.

Resolve issues or solve problems through direct communication at with person causing the difficulty, don’t bring in the boss or others. One to one is best.

If you are doubtful about your role in a project or proposed work related activity, tell other stakeholders of your concerns upfront. If other duties and work issues overtake you when engaged on an ongoing commitment, advise of the difficulties you are having, or going to have as soon as you believe problems will occur.

Spend non-work time networking with your colleagues, don’t just wander off alone during breaks and always be involved in any volunteer activities your organization sees as worthwhile.

Don’t ask loaded or rhetorical questions, ask only “non-assumptive” questions with couching them in any “spin” or as a way to push some secret agenda.

Make only promises you can keep and if events overtake you admit it don’t avoid the issues.

If your organization has a formal lines of authority responsible for particular tasks or to resolve issues don’t step outside the existing system and practice full disclosure of facts and potentially useful information.

Admit to your mistakes and never rope others into your problems, don’t try to share the blame by pushing your real difficulties onto, or by finding fault in others. NEVER discuss (read gossip) about another employee or department particularly if they are having difficulties… NEVER gloat or demonstrate that you are enjoying the demise of others.

Be on time, make decisions, don’t procrastinate and show the strength of your self-belief and character by being willing to be wrong and live with the consequences.

Don’t scoff at another’s opinions or efforts and add support to those in difficulty. Always look at the positive intent of risky approaches to new ways of doing things and if asked honest opinions or advice with support for the fact that others are willing to try a new approach.

Have enough self-control (and demonstrate it) to overcome immediate or short-term feelings in the interests of maintaining ongoing and long term associations.

Public communication and behaviour are a small tip of a very large personal iceberg of values and belief, be willing to question your belief system and grow as a person. Don’t dogmatically stick to what you were indoctrinated with as a youngster, be will to change your perspective.

TRUST IS ESSENTIAL FOR LEADERS

The following is a list of words that others need to be using when they describe you if you are to gain and maintain their trust;

committed, confident, fearless, communicative, predictable, reliable, correct, forgiving, clear, factual, unbiased, respectful, reasonable, confidential, contributing, even, defining, accountable, interested, calm, resolute, tactful, sincere, frank, listener, patient, answering, sharing, fair, timely, honest, decisive, neutral, competent, consistent, explicit, responsible, transparent, close (near), willing, collaborative, accurate, graceful, helpful

KNOW HOW YOU STAND? WHY NOT ASK YOUR FOLLOWERS TO RANK YOU (ANONYMOUSLY) ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10 OR USE THE “NEVER/SOMETIMES/MOSTLY/ALWAYS” GRID FOR EACH WORD AND SEE HOW YOU DO!

The longest sentence I have ever written… trust me!

The trust sentence…

To be trusted followers need to understand your intent and believe they can find a worry free, suspicion-less, environment where they are not taken for granted, their faith in the leader is confirmed and supported by a consistent track record, where mistakes are forgiven, miscommunications and misunderstandings are corrected, beliefs, differences and privacy are respected, sweeping opinions based on assumptions or stereotypes never occur, fear of loss is minimized, being betrayed or feeling burnt does not happen, abruptness, shock, knee jerk, emotional reactions, cynicism or anger are not permitted, vulnerable and naïve people are protected, solace is freely given, they are never disabled, over-reaction does not occur, they are never categorized, forced or excluded through prejudice, avoiding or omitting truth or facts is not permitted, interruptions, restlessness, frowning, negative gestures are discouraged, success, action and effort are acknowledged and credit given, neutrality, togetherness, flexibility, directness, informative, non-assumptive opinions and perspectives are sought by a leader who keeps promises, is willing to be wrong, extends themself, overcomes short-term feelings, avoids harming others, shows trust, risks being let down, makes amends and who also promotes, togetherness, closeness, full disclosure, open dialogue, speaking the truth, does what they say they will do, doesn’t do what you say they won’t do, develops others and their ideas, able to have fun, seeks solutions to problems, win/win agreements and closure and lives up to followers expectations through thoroughly understanding that power equals responsibility.

Phew… get me a headache tablet!

Ric (orglearn) **Link for direct page viewers return to main career success blog to check out other posts!

While you’re here take a look at the free blank, trust me it’s a good one to start with resume form!

A final thought on trust… always seek win/win solutions. Understanding the elements of trust and being able to sincerely build trust is essential for effective leadership. Trust me!?