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I guess we would all prefer be “sold rather than told” however sometimes if we need to co-opt the assistance of others we just don’t have the time to influence by negotiation or to engender enthusiasm for an idea or work goal.

Often when the pressure to produce is on, the only option is to clearly state our expectations and get on with it.

These situations are often related to issues where valid actions or processes need to be undertaken or changed where there is no room to debate or negotiate, particularly as they relate to rules, policies, the law or even the greater good of the organization. They also occur as delivery deadlines approach or customer satisfaction or retention is critical and under threat.

So how do you most effectively go about stating your expectations?

Firstly it seems to work best if you start out by listening to the person you need to influence and make sure you fully understand their point of view before you restate your own expectation when instructions were not accepted in the first instance. It will always be beneficial to indicate that your mind is not closed to another’s views, however there are times where, even if commitment is preferred, you will need to settle for compliance. Important point: Whilst actively listening to another’s point of view don’t “cop out” by raising false hopes of compromise or negotiation or these will come back and bite you at a later date.

To make it stick outline the resulting incentives or disincentives if the other person will not meet your needs

Since this is influence gained through ‘coercive’ or ‘position’ power, the other person may only be influenced to comply because it is worth their while to do so. You should only use the threat of sanctions if it is clear that the need being outlined or actions being requested will not be met by any other method.

Important point: If you constantly use this method of influence to get things done you will be seen as a weak autocrat. Just as importantly if you do not use this tactic (and many seem to avoid it) and let results suffer you will merely be seen as weak or a pushover. Remember when or others demand that we conform to their instructions we feel oppressed and victimized and ultimately we will become resentful. This influencing tactic should to be used sparingly and perhaps only as a last resort.

Your expectations not being met in your current job? Take a look at the free blank resume form and perhaps you can find somewhere more willing to accommodate you!

Finally a very very important point: If you threaten sanctions or offer rewards carry out on your threats or offers or your followers (staff) will become totally unmanageable and you will need to move on and the resume form above may become more than just and option and more of an essential.

To start at the blunt end of communication problems obviously if a relationship with others is desired it will be very difficult if the other party uses a tactic of total withdrawal by refusing to engage in any interpersonal contact. This is a blatant act that is easy to recognize and can be virtually impossible to overcome. There are however many other less obvious indications that reveal that our interpersonal communication or efforts to form relationships with others are not succeeding.

Many connections or interactions are not much more than rituals which are just “meaningless, repetitive routines devoid of real contact”. If you find that each interaction with another individual always seems to be nothing more than a polite conversation that is just following an almost rehearsed script you are obviously not really communicating or building a relationship. These situations are often built around “pastimes that fill up time with others in social, however superficial activities”. A more dangerous scenario is when these ritualized interactions become the sum total of our ‘working activities with all tasks strictly following the rules and procedures of contact and nothing more’.

As humans are political animals by nature there will always be the risk (or opportunity) for the communicators to be plying games which are usually “subtle, manipulative interactions which are about winning and losing”. If those around you are engaging in game playing fruitful communication and the chances to build any meaningful “closeness” is unlikely.

Maybe your communication problems are in part due to your body language or your facial expressions however they are topics for another day.

So where do you start to build your skill to become a more effective communicator. I still find that if you can be brutally honest with yourself  a reflection on how you behave with others based on the old however still valid JOHARI WINDOW model can give you some insights. A better road if you can stand it is to have your friends or colleagues assess you based on the model.

For a quick look at your style are you fond of using any of the following tactics during interactions with others?

1. Attacking -interrogating, criticizing, blaming, shaming or scoffing

2. Being overly reliant on “You Messages” – moralizing, preaching, advising, diagnosing or talking about you and what you have done or achieved.

3. Showing your actual or perceived power with most your communication taking the form of orders, threats, commands or giving directives

4. Falling victim to other verbal barriers can including poor use of tone, shouting, name calling, verbal abuse, berating or even pouting and refusing to speak.

We need to remember that if any of these undesirable verbal tactics are used trust will be lost and no real interpersonal relationships will be formed.

Before I finish direct page viewers can go to main blog to check out other posts by clicking on the white “orglearn.org” in the header panel above!

While you’re here take a look at the free blank resume form!

Finally: For effective communication to occur it must be two way, involve active listening, ‘reflect the accountability of speaker and listener’, utilize feedback, be free of stress and of course be clear and concise. The basic requirement for good communication is perhaps to develop a “closeness” with others that is built on open communication, mutual respect and above all trust.

refs:

wiki.answers.com/Q/How_can_you_overcome_communication_barriers

www.coachingachievement.co.uk/overcoming_communication_barriers

With sound and effective leadership in today’s economic climate more important than ever I am astounded that I still read survey results such as the one below.

‘Jan. 26 2010 PRNewswire/ — According to a recent national survey by Lee Hecht Harrison, the majority of workers in the U.S. find their bosses likeable, but feel the management within their companies have room for improvement.’

Well that’s a “no brainer” of course and I guess it will always be the case however their next statement gives a little more insight.

“When asked to rank which qualities their boss best exhibited, likability took the top spot among U.S. workers, followed by leadership, honesty, fairness, patience and loyalty. Although leadership ranked second, just less than half of workers polled (49%) thought their managers exhibited strong leadership skills – a sobering data point reinforcing the need for renewed focus on leadership development.”

I have seen in many countries the problem of bosses wanting to be liked. To be honest if you are an individual that needs to be liked can I suggest you don’t take on a leadership role. You don’t want to be hated either however you must be respected if you are wanting to be an effective leader.

There are many aspects of to gaining respect however here is a short checklist.

Openness: let people know what you want from them and how you feel about their efforts

Competence: if you can’t demonstrate that you are a competent person you will never gain committed followers

Consistency: a measured and stable attitude to work and followers is essential if you are to reduce unwarranted levels tension and promote excellence

According to the website Bizcovering [and I agree] you also need to ‘Show courage in facing difficult issues even admitting own mistakes, maintain your vision consistently and involve everyone positively’. They go on to say a “most importantly. you need some mechanism for sustaining hope when things otherwise look sour.”

Another key survey finding uncovered: “Motivation & Mentorship Lagging: Only 24% of employees polled felt that their manager displayed motivational skills [I think they mean inspirational skill as I have explained in another blog post] and the same number noted that their supervisor failed to mentor and explain the choices made from an organizational perspective.”

**Link for direct page viewers return to main blog if you would like to read other blog posts on career and leadership success!

If you are looking to work for a more effective leader and need a change of jobs/employers take a look at the free blank resume form!

Finally can I suggest that again the central problem is poor communication skills. I have written many posts on the need to communicate well as a manger, the difficulties most of us have and some of the solutions available. Can I also strongly suggest that if you are a manger and not currently reading (or have never read) a book on leadership and/or leadership communication, best visit your local bookstore as soon as possible.

Trust is an essential part of leadership and being trusted is of course hard to achieve whilst losing trust is easy to do.

The elements of trust and actions you must take to be trusted.

In your communications be specific and direct. Don’t avoid the “elephant in the room”, bring issues it to the fore early and often. If problems are occurring or others are not performing as you wish let them know with tact and in private. Use a calm and logical approach to your communication and avoid abruptness.

Share credit with those that assisted in wins you have had, even go to the point of slightly overstating their contribution or as someone said “when in doubt, share”.

Resolve issues or solve problems through direct communication at with person causing the difficulty, don’t bring in the boss or others. One to one is best.

If you are doubtful about your role in a project or proposed work related activity, tell other stakeholders of your concerns upfront. If other duties and work issues overtake you when engaged on an ongoing commitment, advise of the difficulties you are having, or going to have as soon as you believe problems will occur.

Spend non-work time networking with your colleagues, don’t just wander off alone during breaks and always be involved in any volunteer activities your organization sees as worthwhile.

Don’t ask loaded or rhetorical questions, ask only “non-assumptive” questions with couching them in any “spin” or as a way to push some secret agenda.

Make only promises you can keep and if events overtake you admit it don’t avoid the issues.

If your organization has a formal lines of authority responsible for particular tasks or to resolve issues don’t step outside the existing system and practice full disclosure of facts and potentially useful information.

Admit to your mistakes and never rope others into your problems, don’t try to share the blame by pushing your real difficulties onto, or by finding fault in others. NEVER discuss (read gossip) about another employee or department particularly if they are having difficulties… NEVER gloat or demonstrate that you are enjoying the demise of others.

Be on time, make decisions, don’t procrastinate and show the strength of your self-belief and character by being willing to be wrong and live with the consequences.

Don’t scoff at another’s opinions or efforts and add support to those in difficulty. Always look at the positive intent of risky approaches to new ways of doing things and if asked honest opinions or advice with support for the fact that others are willing to try a new approach.

Have enough self-control (and demonstrate it) to overcome immediate or short-term feelings in the interests of maintaining ongoing and long term associations.

Public communication and behaviour are a small tip of a very large personal iceberg of values and belief, be willing to question your belief system and grow as a person. Don’t dogmatically stick to what you were indoctrinated with as a youngster, be will to change your perspective.

TRUST IS ESSENTIAL FOR LEADERS

The following is a list of words that others need to be using when they describe you if you are to gain and maintain their trust;

committed, confident, fearless, communicative, predictable, reliable, correct, forgiving, clear, factual, unbiased, respectful, reasonable, confidential, contributing, even, defining, accountable, interested, calm, resolute, tactful, sincere, frank, listener, patient, answering, sharing, fair, timely, honest, decisive, neutral, competent, consistent, explicit, responsible, transparent, close (near), willing, collaborative, accurate, graceful, helpful

KNOW HOW YOU STAND? WHY NOT ASK YOUR FOLLOWERS TO RANK YOU (ANONYMOUSLY) ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10 OR USE THE “NEVER/SOMETIMES/MOSTLY/ALWAYS” GRID FOR EACH WORD AND SEE HOW YOU DO!

The longest sentence I have ever written… trust me!

The trust sentence…

To be trusted followers need to understand your intent and believe they can find a worry free, suspicion-less, environment where they are not taken for granted, their faith in the leader is confirmed and supported by a consistent track record, where mistakes are forgiven, miscommunications and misunderstandings are corrected, beliefs, differences and privacy are respected, sweeping opinions based on assumptions or stereotypes never occur, fear of loss is minimized, being betrayed or feeling burnt does not happen, abruptness, shock, knee jerk, emotional reactions, cynicism or anger are not permitted, vulnerable and naïve people are protected, solace is freely given, they are never disabled, over-reaction does not occur, they are never categorized, forced or excluded through prejudice, avoiding or omitting truth or facts is not permitted, interruptions, restlessness, frowning, negative gestures are discouraged, success, action and effort are acknowledged and credit given, neutrality, togetherness, flexibility, directness, informative, non-assumptive opinions and perspectives are sought by a leader who keeps promises, is willing to be wrong, extends themself, overcomes short-term feelings, avoids harming others, shows trust, risks being let down, makes amends and who also promotes, togetherness, closeness, full disclosure, open dialogue, speaking the truth, does what they say they will do, doesn’t do what you say they won’t do, develops others and their ideas, able to have fun, seeks solutions to problems, win/win agreements and closure and lives up to followers expectations through thoroughly understanding that power equals responsibility.

Phew… get me a headache tablet!

Ric (orglearn) **Link for direct page viewers return to main career success blog to check out other posts!

While you’re here take a look at the free blank, trust me it’s a good one to start with resume form!

A final thought on trust… always seek win/win solutions. Understanding the elements of trust and being able to sincerely build trust is essential for effective leadership. Trust me!?