As human relations and communication are probably the most important issues we face if we are to be successful in our careers the discussion of the central communication skill of listening is always an important topic. Bearing in mind we are all different, possessed of different personalities and natural tendencies in how we deal with others, it is still worthwhile to look at what is an optimum approach in our communications. Obviously we deal with different people and different topics with more or less attention however there is still a need for us all to at least have a grasp of what styles are most common and what the consequences of using (or overusing) one or another of these styles will do to our ability to relate to others.
According to Tom Foster (ref:1) Every conversation can be calibrated, has a platform and he states there are seven stages of listening. The website Business Balls (ref 2) on the other hand states there are eight levels or types of listening
Both listening models referenced (see part 3) that I have used as the basis of this discussion start with not listening. To my way of thinking if we are not listening we are not listening therefore I don’t think point one in ether list is valid so I will ignore it other than to remark that we all have a capacity to physically or mentally block out what is being spoken and assigning it as background noise.
For my five types of listening I do admit I have relied in building this model heavily on both the articles by both Tom Foster and Business Balls and I suggest you visit their sites as they provide excellent information.
Ric’s FIVE TYPES of LISTENING
1) Pretending to listen or giving into your own thoughts or other distractions whilst trying to give the impression you are engaged with the speaker. Now we all know that this happens when the topic or the speaker are boring or we are say trying to hear what someone else is saying (eavesdrop) in a social situation. As Business Balls states when we are doing this we tend to use “stock nods and smiles” and non-committal verbal responses. If you do not maintain eye contact or even stare blankly others can easily tell you are not listening. You must realize that this behaviour is easily recognizable and for most is considered patronizing and extremely rude. If you are to maintain good relations you must avoid this behaviour at all costs and it is best if you find yourself doing this apologize for being distracted and politely withdraw from the engagement totally. The term I use is “sorry I’m very distracted at the moment perhaps we could have this conversation at another time”. Obviously if it is your boss you are listening to you must force yourself to concentrate and make sure you do not allow your distractions to let you down or your actions could be a career limiting event.
2) Listening selectively, listening to respond or as some call it biased listening. This is where I believe most listeners sit and in men I like to call this testosterone listening. The main listening purpose if you are in this mode is to find points of disagreement or weaknesses in another’s point of view so that we can you to reaffirm our attitude or argument. You may have some “interest and perhaps some flexibility in respect of the words spoken and your reactions to them, however because you are not thinking objectively and purely putting your own interpretation on what you are hearing by making the words fit what you expect or want them to fit”(2). Even if you are more benevolent in your attitude to what is being said much of your mind in this state will be preoccupied with plotting a response and usually the full message will be missed and misunderstanding will be common. This form of listening behaviour is damaging and over time and a number of interactions can destroy relationships.
Tags: biased listening, effective listening, listening models, pretending to listen, selective listening