To continue listening…
3) Listening to understand. Business Balls states here “you listen only to the content and fail to receive all the non-verbal sounds and signals, such as tone of voice, facial expression, reaction of speaker to your own listening and reactions”. “Attentive data-only listening is typically driven by a strong personal results motive. It can be highly manipulative and forceful.” With this type of listening no effort is put into trying to build a relationship with the speaker. Here the listener is often asking lots of questions to reaffirm facts and can akin to the interrogator or inquisitor type of behaviour as described in the Johari Window model. This form of listening can at its best become listening to learn or active listening and can be quite difficult as we as listener attempt to come to “grips with new ideas or views to consolidated some long term memory”(2).
4) Empathetic listening or as Tom calls it “listening for the intersection where someone else’s experience meets our experience on which we can build trust.” Business Balls describe this as ‘listening with full attention to the sounds, and all other relevant signals, including: tone of voice, other verbal aspects – e.g., pace, volume, flow, style, emphasis facial expression body language, cultural or ethnic or other aspects of the person which would affect the way their communications and signals are affecting you.’ “This requires you to have an overall collective appreciation through all relevant senses of how the other person is feeling you able to see and feel the situation from the other person’s position.” With this type of listening “you are also reacting and giving feedback and checking understanding with the speaker. You will be [selectively questioning,] summarizing and probably taking notes.” Here you will be able to disagree constructively, signal understanding and use appropriate emotion controls. If you are able to engage in this type of listening behaviour you will be able to create an “improved relationship” and hopefully reach a state of “mutual awareness” with the other party.
If you are having trouble getting anyone to listen to you, perhaps its time for a change, so take a look at the free blank resume form to find some better listeners!
