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To start at the blunt end of communication problems obviously if a relationship with others is desired it will be very difficult if the other party uses a tactic of total withdrawal by refusing to engage in any interpersonal contact. This is a blatant act that is easy to recognize and can be virtually impossible to overcome. There are however many other less obvious indications that reveal that our interpersonal communication or efforts to form relationships with others are not succeeding.

Many connections or interactions are not much more than rituals which are just “meaningless, repetitive routines devoid of real contact”. If you find that each interaction with another individual always seems to be nothing more than a polite conversation that is just following an almost rehearsed script you are obviously not really communicating or building a relationship. These situations are often built around “pastimes that fill up time with others in social, however superficial activities”. A more dangerous scenario is when these ritualized interactions become the sum total of our ‘working activities with all tasks strictly following the rules and procedures of contact and nothing more’.

As humans are political animals by nature there will always be the risk (or opportunity) for the communicators to be plying games which are usually “subtle, manipulative interactions which are about winning and losing”. If those around you are engaging in game playing fruitful communication and the chances to build any meaningful “closeness” is unlikely.

Maybe your communication problems are in part due to your body language or your facial expressions however they are topics for another day.

So where do you start to build your skill to become a more effective communicator. I still find that if you can be brutally honest with yourself  a reflection on how you behave with others based on the old however still valid JOHARI WINDOW model can give you some insights. A better road if you can stand it is to have your friends or colleagues assess you based on the model.

For a quick look at your style are you fond of using any of the following tactics during interactions with others?

1. Attacking -interrogating, criticizing, blaming, shaming or scoffing

2. Being overly reliant on “You Messages” – moralizing, preaching, advising, diagnosing or talking about you and what you have done or achieved.

3. Showing your actual or perceived power with most your communication taking the form of orders, threats, commands or giving directives

4. Falling victim to other verbal barriers can including poor use of tone, shouting, name calling, verbal abuse, berating or even pouting and refusing to speak.

We need to remember that if any of these undesirable verbal tactics are used trust will be lost and no real interpersonal relationships will be formed.

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Finally: For effective communication to occur it must be two way, involve active listening, ‘reflect the accountability of speaker and listener’, utilize feedback, be free of stress and of course be clear and concise. The basic requirement for good communication is perhaps to develop a “closeness” with others that is built on open communication, mutual respect and above all trust.

refs:

wiki.answers.com/Q/How_can_you_overcome_communication_barriers

www.coachingachievement.co.uk/overcoming_communication_barriers