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A pretty standard list of communication barriers usually includes such items as:

• unclear or incomplete messages
• jargon or words with multiple interpretations
• disabilities and other impediments
• age, gender or sexual orientation
• relative status or respect for the sender
• lack of empathy or concern
• stereotyping or prejudice
• conditions or distance
• lack of time or other pressing priorities
• poor spelling inaccurate sentence structure
• personality traits and levels of EQ

What I believe is the the major cause of communication breakdown is our poor listening skills. Lets face it most of us are eager to answer or comment on a message and are often busy preparing our response to the first part of a message even before the sender finishes transmitting. This propensity we all seem to have is a result of our natural and evolved need to quickly assess our situation (fight or flight response) and also the brains ability to fill in the missing bits to make orderly sense of our environment.

Now to over come this central barrier is no easy task and it will take constant and conscious practice to achieve this feat. Recent studies show that the brain’s plasticity means that strong neural networks are built up over time and that they basically hijack how we behave even before we become consciously aware of how we are reacting to a particular situation. If for example you have a very talkative friend who has bored you senseless in the past there is a fair chance that not much more than an automatic yeah yeah will be going on in your head.

So how do you teach yourself to listen and absorb (even to people you may have found boring in the past) what may be very useful information. Well some tell me I am a fairly abrupt person and perhaps one of the reasons is that I either tell or sell the other party on how to speak to me so I can listen more effectively. For example I have one friend that I just say to “you talk to much, slow down take a break and let me think about what you have said”. If the person jumps in again I just talk over them until I have finished my point.

Now what I have suggested above is considered as pretty rude however my friend is being trained on how I need to be treated if he wants to communicate with me. I may lose a friend however what value is a friend who prattles on in your ear at every opportunity and just wants to dominate every situation.

Obviously this technique wont work with say your boss however the principle is correct. You can train bosses to give you information in lumps you can digest and at a speed you are comfortable with. The two best methods for doing this are asking questions which shows interest, slows down the prattle, gives direction and helps you build the information you need from the conversation. Remember the person who asks the questions controls the conversation.

The second great technique is to summarize what the other person says. This also shows you are listening (and forces you to do so), builds empathy and helps you control the rate at which the sender is transmitting information. A great way to do this is to say “just to confirm that I have got you meaning can I just summarize your points so far”.

The other point is to resist the temptation or habit of preempting what the other person is saying and being patient enough until they finish speaking to ensure you are getting the whole message. Stop just hearing, plotting a response and blabbing out some verbal garbage. If you practice waiting you will develop a different neural network pattern that will assist you in becoming a better communicator.

So if you want to improve your listening skills and hence your communication skills next time you’re in a conversation say to yourself… “wait – focus – summarize – question”. It is also as you are practicing these skills to take notes for important conversations.

Two other things; it usually doesn’t hurt when talking to others to tell them your working on improving your communication skills and secondly to let them know how or by what method you are going about it.

Interpersonal relations and how we communicate with those around us are the most important facets of our existence. Therefore I repeat… if you want to succeed as a human being this effort to learn a ‘new’ way to communicate, as difficult as may be, is still a most worthwhile enterprise.

Ric (orglearn) **Link for direct page viewers return to main career success blog to check out other posts!

Communication factors never going to improve with your boss? Time to communicate with someone more receptive? Take a look at the free blank resume form!