Preparing to listen effectively
The first priority is to give your full attention to the sender and resist distractions. This has become more difficult since the use of mobile devices has become more prevalent. If you are truly going to listen you need to turn off your mobile or Blackberry as even if you don’t answer it you will be distracted, your attention will be disturbed and your ability to truly listen to the meaning of what is being said, rather than just hear the noise of the words, will be diminished.
Be open-minded and willing to accept information that may be counter-intuitive or different from your preconceived ideas regarding the issues being discussed. Often you may consider yourself highly knowledgeable on the topic however another’s perspective may add value or a new slant on an issue.
Don’t preempt what is going to be said by the person transmitting the information. I have witnessed on many occasions people answering questions based on what they thought my position on a subject was going to be rather than what I have actually said. So they as poor listeners have responded to what they had rehearsed me saying in their head rather than the words and meaning I was trying to convey. To be honest of course I have also on many occasions be guilty of the same listening shortcoming.
Be prepared to hear ideas that may be disturbing. None of us like bad news or readily accept criticisms however if we are to take away any value from these types of communication situations we have to suppress our natural emotional responses and our desire to immediately defend our position and rather listen to the entire message before offering a response. It is also good to remember the old adage that if someone negatively effects our mood or emotions to the point we are unable to behave rationally we loose.
Consciously be prepared to suspend your judgment for a reasonable period. It is normal for us all to constantly filter information and assess our situation, I guess due to our natural survival instincts. We constantly make judgments about what is going on around us; this natural tendency can however make us less effective listeners.
Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes by realizing everyone’s perspective on reality is different, what we see as the truth may not be so for the other individual. Example: Say there is a need to get the job done so your communicated truth (and the situation) may be that it is best to work on until midnight to complete the task. The other parties reality may also be that the job needs to be completed however they may be more effective if they rest until four in the morning get over the performance limiting headache they are suffering. Their message may be I will come in early in the morning when I am refreshed and relaxed. Often in these situations they say “I can’t because”, we stop listening and just hear “they won’t cooperate” and we can tend then to react badly.
We must when we are preparing to listen also convey our intention to do so. As I said earlier indicate that you are giving your full attention to the sender for example by turning off your mobile phone. Of course you may also be in a situation that you need to advise the other party that you don’t want to talk now, and make another time. Never say things like “I have another meeting, you’ve got five minutes”. Always allow reasonable time to listen to the other party by finding out how long the “message sender” needs to pass on the information they wish to convey and allowing the appropriate time for them to do so.
Finally as the exchange begins look at the person and maintain appropriate eye contact, also physically address the person positively by facing them, looking alert and being ‘un-distracted’. Particularly don’t ‘fiddle about’, e.g. by adjusting your clothes, doing tricks with your pen… or tapping away on your computer keyboard or as I have seen, attentively watching your screen-saver.
Ric (orglearn) While you’re here take a look at the free blank resume form!
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